✗

keep it moving🗣🏃🏽‍♀️

[✗ @kimodrey]

Viva España!

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[The Real Grim Reaper @reaperracingTM]

@notcapnamerica Who wanted this?

[Semitic Jew @semitic_jew]

Show this to dense white folks who content that we aren’t the salt of the earth.

[Boston Smalls @smalls2672]

This story is insane

[Alabi @the_Lawrenz]

This man is my best content creator right now 😂😂😂

[Mike Posner @MikePosner]

on my 26th birthday, i wrote I Took A Pill in Ibiza…10 years ago. The song became popular several years after i wrote it. Yesterday i celebrated my 36th birthday. i feel proud to look at the song lyrics and know that NONE of them are true anymore. I’ve grown into a completely new man…one that i’m proud of. check this out… 🧵

[✗ @kimodrey]

@UjuAnya Like? I would like to speak to the manager!

[✗ @kimodrey]

😭😭. How'd they come from zero

[✗ @kimodrey]

@Oluwabanke_O Here's my 🍽️

[✗ @kimodrey]

@Oluwabanke_O Congrats babes🎉

[EasyLove 🦋 @BIGMAMA_Q]

Around this time next year I’ll be rich….

[✗ @kimodrey]

@tosynshawty Happy Birthday!

[💕💕💕 @TheeAnimeGuru_]

When she showed the cake I lost it 😂😭

[Ụlọma 💜 @ulxma]

Afrotantrum will still do a concert this December and you will still go and then come online to tweet about how he used 40 minutes to insult you after arriving 7 hours late.

[Tiff4Mahogany_44 🇺🇸 🇺🇦 NATO MEMBER @tiff4mahogany]

Bait & switch 💀

[just jovonnie. @JovonnieC]

we ate. #RENAISSANCEWorldTour

[✗ @kimodrey]

I must be living in Greece

[Raphousetv (RHTV) @raphousetv2]

The Whole United States will be able to see the sky Phenomena Northern Lights Today (Friday Night) 😳🇺🇸