jackson of all trades

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

name my dick Moby cause that boy’s a sperm whale
up in her poop deck, you can call me Ishmael

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

i might have gone with a different subject line

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

i was stressed out about him being a bee but i was kind of relieved i didn’t have to do cpr cause i was worried i’d be bad at it

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

had a dream that a kid was drowning in a watering hole and i had to get him out. but then when i got him out he turned into a bee. and someone accidentally broke the bee’s leg and pinched its thorax and i was like guys that’s gonna hurt him when he transforms back

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

starting to get bangers in my algorithm

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

had a dream that i bought the wrong toothpaste and it pissed me off. thought i was gonna have to use that for months

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

trying a new kind of pickup line

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

rewards points for degenerate gamblers lmao

[Tuyo @itstuyo]

We created a card that sometimes doesn't charge you.

Buy Now, Pay Maybe.

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

hate it when i see a big shiny coin on the ground and it’s a nickel. no one wants a nickel…..

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

genuinely an accident but also a pretty good bit

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

just had a flashback to the time at camp whittle that i tried pick teams for my cabin by closing my eyes and moving my finger around at random and i accidentally put all the tallest, strongest boys on my team and everyone else on my other counselor’s team

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

i keep forgetting he’s still alive so whenever i see one of these it’s like a pleasant surprise

[TMZ @TMZ]

Jack Nicholson seen in a rare photo celebrating his 89th birthday. 🎂

Photos: https://t.co/tuK2RzBQR9

[The Hood Therapist @OhhMar24]

J Cole in his CBA debut with the Nanjing Monkey Kings today:

- 7 minutes
- 0 points
- 1 rebound
- 1 assist
- 0 blocks
- 0 steals
- 0/4 FG

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

average radius=.75 inches, and average length=5.5 inches. the volume of a cylinder=(πr^2)xlength. if you multiply length by 2, and radius by 1.73 you get 6x volume. this leaves you with a length of 11 in, and a radius of 1.3 in. or you could multiply radius by 2 and length by 1.5

[Bobby “Throbby” Boucher @ThrobbyBoucher]

Would you rather multiply your meat size x6 or x0.5

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

you’re not a real person unless you spend $100 on split pea soup. you’re not a real person unless you spend $500 on sneakers. if kurt cobain had a bbl he would’ve taken the shotgun out of his mouth. you are incomplete, you must keep spending

[Elena @VirtualElena]

sure NYT I believe that a “restaurant gap relationship” is not only a real thing but that a phenomenon that has only emerged in the past 5-10 years wrought by opportunistic opentable scrapers, private dining clubs, credit card points, concierge services, and nyc’s increasingly competitive restaurant scene is in fact “the ultimate test of compatibility”

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

coworker asked me today if i’ve seen the videos saying michael jackson was hanging around kids to protect them from jeffrey epstein

[vost @foolibuster]

science fair

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

boarding group f are the most oppressed people in society

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

back in my day clothing companies made their models wear as much clothing as possible to advertise their clothes. models waddling around looking like big old meatballs—that’s how you knew the clothes were irresistible. but kids these days model with the clothes off! no respect

[Film Updates @FilmUpdates]

Dakota Johnson stuns for Calvin Klein.

📸 Gordon von Steiner

[jackson of all trades @kingofsoforth]

it probably goes hard to be a straight woman who leads a pack of gay men. that’s gotta be crazy good for your self esteem