ah, i miss vince, he's my muse, but fuck that guy. I always try to convince myself to fall in love with him so I can continue with my story, but sometimes it gets increasingly difficult. Our memory fades, and neither was the reasons to fall back in love.
one of the smartest people I know (academically, socially and career-wise) has an uncanny ability to hyper focus on what needs to be done while ignoring unimportant details. I once asked him who the governor of California was and he had no idea.
i have deep respect for people who are a sort of apex predator in the way that they still actively curate what they watch, listen to etc. within environments designed to disincentivize them like spotify etc.
It only takes five minutes to break the cycle.
Five minutes of exercise and you are back on the path. Five minutes of writing and the manuscript is moving forward again. Five minutes of conversation and the relationship is restored.
It doesn't take much to feel good again.
actually, that's the only right way to live.
But as Machiavelli said: Make mistakes of ambition and not mistakes of sloth. Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer.
Please keep going. This is what devotion looks like. Nothing is wasted. Your body already agreed to this life. You are working. You are not late. This is the cost and this is the gift. This is enough. Your becoming is already happening. Keep going.
The world does not care if I am depressed. There could be pauses, sure, but processing for 'too long' is detrimental--the world will still continue to revolve. It sucked, but that's the way it has been. They will not wait for you, they will move on despite your biggest battles.