kirsant

I mostly vent into the void

[kirsant @kirsant_]

@aoriami It's chill here

[kirsant @kirsant_]

@bunnyyyymrow Fucking proud of you! You go girl

[kirsant @kirsant_]

@fairiehaze Cum (not even joking lol)

[kirsant @kirsant_]

I self harmed again, after over a year of being "clean" I finally fucking let myself accept that ripping off the skin around my nails is sh

Yay to me, just sitting in my car with bloody hands, I hate myself

[kirsant @kirsant_]

@heyshipz Hiii

[kirsant @kirsant_]

Like literally, I did nothing wrong, I was good, I didn't do anything to deserve that, and after that she's even more pissed at me because I have a reaction (I cried)

[kirsant @kirsant_]

Thx mom, another traumatic event to the list :P (I didn't even do anything lol)

[kirsant @kirsant_]

@hurtingtextmsgs Cheetos

[kirsant @kirsant_]

I know it's not on purpose and I think it's worse, because at least then the choice would be clear, but you are complex and I can't stop sympathising with you, no matter how hurt I am.
I think at this point it's devotion, not love

[kirsant @kirsant_]

1: What do you want me to do?
2: It's hard to tell exacly, I can't just tell you to love me or care about me more, but that's what I want to say

[kirsant @kirsant_]

nothing can be done about it and I can only wet my eyes to relieve the pressure, I'm dreading pointing out something I don't favour because that would unleash the waterfalls of accusations.

[kirsant @kirsant_]

Wow, time flies, it's been over a year now without cutting myself, I don't really know what to think about it

[kirsant @kirsant_]

I guess my mum thought this mental health shit was doing too good and she decided to fucking ruin me mentally yay

[kirsant @kirsant_]

Everything is okay I think, I'm on new meds, feeling stable, 11 months clear

[kirsant @kirsant_]

After 8 months of not cutting myself I feel like relapsing again, it feels like everything was better when I was cutting myself, but I'm afraid

[kirsant @kirsant_]

Hey guys, I know there's probably no one that really cares, but I'm doing okay, I managed to stay clean and I went into the 2025 without new wounds. I'm still on my meds and in therapy but still not as mentally well as I would like

[kirsant @kirsant_]

I will fucking relapse again

I'm so fucking weak, I can't do anything right and now I'll fuck up one thing I promised I won't, I'll destroy my bf trust, I'll destroy my body

I wanna fucking die
(Thx for everything mom)