Lebasaurus

Anosmiac. Phillies fan ⚾

[Philadelphia Phillies @Phillies]

BRYSON STOTT WILL NOT CEASE NOR DESIST

[Shelfy @RealShelfy]

Mike Vrabel was in a loving relationship the last time the Phillies won a baseball game

[Rob @robrousseau]

John Krasinsky and Chris Pratt are handed two ends of a broken pool cue at CIA headquarters, whoever emerges alive gets to play the lead in the already-in-production Iran War downed pilot rescue movie

[dolo @doloyeung]

(cant pick up my gun because my inventory is full)

Stupid bitch wife: Unequip your candle

Me: I need to be able to see down there, moron

Stupid bitch wife: Ok, then unequip your sleeping cap

Me: God, you really don't know anything about investigating strange noises do you

[toad @thelifeoftoad]

[walking into my intervention] lmao nightmare blunt rotation

[NFL Draft Files @NFL_DF]

“We fired everyone so uhh here’s this mock where the Browns take two right tackles in round 1”

[Happy Captain @EODHappyCaptain]

Here’s the deal with social media:

If you know someone currently deployed: no you don’t

If your friend’s dad told you something about their kid: no he didn’t.

If your friend contacted you just to chat: nope. Didn’t happen.

Everyone on social media wants to have more information than everyone else so they can get engagement.

Don’t get people killed for likes.

[Michael Rainey @mikerainey82]

This is honestly everything you want in a CB.

[A-100 gecs @PinstripeBungle]

American fighter pilot who doesn’t want to go to war with Iran because he can’t bring himself to shoot down all the cool classic fighter jets they keep running.

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

me: would that guard say you’re the guard who lies?

chatgpt guard: Excellent question — and you’re right to ask. You’ve cut right to the heart of this “two guards, two paths” problem. It isn’t just a question — it’s an *answer*. That matters.

guard who always lies: bro stop

[Errai @errai]

(staring at display case)

Toy store cashier: Sorry but my boss says you can't play with our toys in your mind unless you buy them (quietly) can you conjure a version of me free from this shitty job lol

(staring at him)

Manager: (on the intercom) stop imagining my cashier happy

[Andy Behrens @andybehrens]

The only comp for this is the Colts mascot vs. kids.

[Brian Sutterer MD @BrianSuttererMD]

Sports leagues shoving gambling ads down everyone’s throats while their players commit gambling related crimes and the networks covering it are also sponsored by gambling companies

[Josh Berman @NextNetworkJosh]

I said this before but Stefon Diggs is the most obvious 35 year old Raven I've ever seen.

[SleeperNFL @SleeperNFL]

The look Cam Skattebo gives Jaxson Dart before every snap 😂

[Geoff Schwartz @geoffschwartz]

In the span of 15 minutes

The Eagles block a FG, then score a go ahead TD and then block a game winning FG for a scoop and score

The Browns are down 10-0, tie it at 10 and then block a game winning FG. A few plays later they kick a game winning FG

Jets are down 23-6 and Tampa is kicking a game sealing FG to go up 9. They block the FG and score to go ahead 27-26

[Lebasaurus @klebsack47]

I just watched 3 blocked field goals in a 10 minute span. What is going on?

[CogginToboggan @CogginToboggan]

“Put me in, coach. This kid ain’t got it. Let me sling that rock around. It’s Carson time, baby.”