Malka 🌷🥐

🍒 edtwt 🍑 ana 🍋 168 cm 🥝 25 🫐🎧 minors -18 dni

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

I get the irony of coming back to edtwt to type this out but I am tired of this!!
No one said shit when I was fat but I got down to “essential fat” and uw and now it feels like everyone is obsessed with my fucking food when I’m just trying to recover in PEACE.

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

If someone is eating food maybe shut the fuck up about it I am TIRED of eating my recovery meals and someone saying “oh that’s a lot of food”
1. No it is not - it is balanced to my needs.
2. I train everyday.
3. Even if I did not, I deserve to eat.

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

@edprivately Thank you ⭐️

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

I’m going to try to really pursue recovery. I have to start slowly but my bf dropped under 14% and can count my vertebrae just standing so I think it’s time to recover before I d1e. Probably won’t be v active but will still be on dms and happy to give my insta to moots 💖🪻🪼🪿🌷

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

@emmyrexic Love u Emmy thank you 💖

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

@carakcalss Thank u 💖💖 we had a big conversation about it yesterday morning, it was all very intense but it was a good conversation and I think we’re in a better place now but wow
Thank you 💖💖

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

Was trying to have an intake of 1000 without purging so I made myself 30g oats with 8 small blueberries for “dessert” and my husband said he struggles seeing me eat outside of breakfast/lunch/dinner bc it’s “just so much”

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

@calcountt He said that bc he had the day off and this was the first time he’s seen me eat over the course of a day ina while (since I tried some recov) that he “struggles” with how much I ate.

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

I can’t handle this recovery is too much everyone thinks I’m a fucking fatass it doesn’t matter if I have a thigh gap or chest bones or anything as soon as I eat I’m worth nothing.

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

@emptybites Good luck!!! I also cut out rice if that helps
Sometimes I’ll have 75g sweet potato
I also did c/s w bread lol

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

@emptybites Like I lost my thigh gap it was so bad
Gap is back now lol and I peed like every 30 minutes for the first 2 days
I cut out most carbs unless it’s from veggies or apples and drank 4-5L of water and it got rid of the bloating and retention

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

@emptybites Refined carbs / any bread does this to me. I gained 9kg in one week, felt rly hot, was flushed, and had the same pressing thing you do

I had a breakdown lol, cut out all breads and dropped carbs to ~80g net and lost the “gain” in 4 days.

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

Hate taking pictures bc the wrinkles on my face and little divots from my skull make me feel insane 😭

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

18 year old sorority me is screaming rn
L1lly dress in a charity shop for £12
Size 2
Absolutely perfect, I’m in love

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

@carakcalss I’m so sorry stuff tasted weird but the pancake sounds good

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

@edprivately Thank you for this 💖 I want to keep trying it just seems easy to give up. But you’re right. Pushing forward will give me more happiness than my ed will. It’s just hard to keep going.
Thank you 💖

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

Trying to sort out private health bureaucracy is some bullshit it’s making me regret pursuing recovery and honestly at this point I give up. Answering multiple calls a day from the gp’s receptionist about a form, my private insurance arguing with me over what they’ll cover -

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

Don’t forget me xx

[Malka 🌷🥐 @koshercals]

Yummy meals from my 8 days of pursuing recovery I can’t do this anymore I just want to 🌟ve :( help is demoralising to pursue, I am overwhelmed by the health system, and opening up is so shameful.