Christ showed me that the worst thing that can happen to you might be the point of you. that God does not rescue his favorites he ruins them in front of everyone. and the people who loved you will stand at a distance and they cannot help and they are not supposed to help and this is also part of it. and you will ask why and the sky will say nothing and the nothing is the answer. the nothing is where faith lives. and he hung there and the father looked away and the looking away was the gift because if God had watched he would have stopped it and if he had stopped it you and i would still be dying without a door
It's just my Dad and I in the hospital tonight. I'm gonna tell you what this is like because no one ever told me and I wish they had. It could be hours or it could be days but he is dying. I read this short book called "Gone From My Sight" which lays out step by step every aspect of the dying process. It gave me great comfort.
This is natural. In some ways, it is as beautiful as childbirth. That's not what the book said. Just the overwhelming emotion I was left with.
He stopped eating almost entirely about a month ago and stopped speaking 4 days ago. I am very fortunate and grateful that he and I had a tear-filled conversation on the last day he will ever speak. It was so beautiful I don't even have words for it. He had withdrawn from me two months ago but that is exactly what dying people do. I just didn't know and I doubt he did either.
His eyelids remain slightly open and you can see him looking around as if in a dream state. To me, he is likely reliving fond memories and reconciling any items left undone. He moves when I speak to him but I believe it's just the familiar voice of a loved one that causes him to stir. He is not truly present. A few toes left on earth and the rest of him lifting away from me towards his next chapter.
He is not gone. He will not be gone. He will just be gone from my sight.
If anyone had told me that the week my Dad died would be one of the best of my life I would've thought they were crazy or sociopathic. But that's what this has been.
I've never felt closer to him. I have never felt closer to God. To hold his hand as he dies is life come full circle. He was the first to hold my hand and I will be the last to hold his.
I have done my duty as his Son and he did a great job as my father.
Don't get me wrong. It hurts. Terribly. But only because the bond runs so deep.
I love you Dad. It's OK for you to go.
A lesson from my late grandmother: Never fear sadness, as it tends to sit right next to love. The most beautiful things in life exist on a razor’s edge—good right next to bad. You can’t earn the former without confronting the latter. They dance together in a beautiful symphony.
life peaked when i was 5 and saw the scene in Bug's Life where the waitress bug asks "who ordered the poo poo platter?" and laughed harder than I ever have in my life
‘SPY KIDS’ has been added to the National Film Registry.
Films that are added to the registry are seen to have cultural or historic importance and must be preserved for future generations.
trying to teach our toddler manners so he does this thing now where he rips something valuable from your hands and says "thank you you're welcome" to soften the blow
Andrew Garfield talks to Elmo about missing his mother after she recently passed away.
“When I miss her I remember it’s because she made me so happy, I can celebrate her & miss her at the same time”
When I talk about the necessity of older wiser women in midwifery helping young mothers through the initiation of birth and motherhood this is what I mean.