Kevin Ryder

Ignorance is bliss, but denial ain't so bad

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Why on god’s green earth would they ever put the charging ports on an airplane beneath the seat you’re sitting on instead of on the back of the seats in front of you?

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

On the other hand, someone I know wrote a post saying that their baby is “unapologetically herself,” which makes no freaking sense. Imagine the complex you would have given your baby if they’re thinking “I’m sorry, I know I’m not likable when I’m fussy.”

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Saying that you’re “unapologetically yourself” is a solid red flag. Maybe you should be apologizing more often. If you weren’t an asshole, you would just be yourself.

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Just found out that double buckling is illegal. The more you know.

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Kind of wild that I’ve been a father for 2.5 months and get the same accolades as all other dads on Father’s Day who put in a whole year of work. My pro-rated Father’s Day would be over before brunch ended.

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Reading a book on parenting while your wife is in labor is the ultimate form of cramming for a test.

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Given what we know about Georgina Sparks, we’re going to have to wait and see how this story develops.

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

Michelle Trachtenberg has sadly passed away at the age of 39.

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

I just found out that my mom got a family friend a giant antique bird cage as a wedding gift. They literally told her that they didn’t want it. I now have a new favorite story.

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

They may be suspicious, but they’ll never truly know.

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Leaving work and unbuttoning one button from my shirt on the way down the elevator. Clark Kent to Superman.

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

I’ll run into someone from work while I’m at dinner and they’ll say “Who is this man that I’ve never seen before?? It certainly could not be my coworker!” “That being said, I have never seen them in the same place at the same time!”

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Couldn’t the term ‘tug-of-war’ be shortened to just a ‘tug war’? Seems like that would make more sense anyway, no?

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

@JoeBiden Tubthumping by Chumbawamba?

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Tear jerking lol

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

People should be able to submit anonymous feedback to their friends’ therapists. “Have you heard about the shit they’ve been pulling lately?!”

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Kind of wild that a therapist’s only insight into your life is what you tell them. Talk about an unreliable narrator…

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Starting a trend of throwing surprise house warming parties

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

I literally just realized that cheez-its don’t come across as cheese flavored at all

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Pretty Woman: A story of hiring a hooker for all the right reasons.

[Kevin Ryder @kryder91]

Vet: "Has your dog been lethargic lately?"

Me every time: "Well he's been sleeping for 20 hours a day for the last three years, so..."