Neil Parmesan

It's says here on your resume that you've burned several clown suits deep in the woods. Tell me a little about that.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

I was so down today and then my son said "dad, you'll always be my hero" and then I hugged him and cried and made up this totally fake tweet.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

Mornin'

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

This is the greatest thing I've ever said in a conversation.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

@Syrup_Tishus I'll take a break from fucking hating Twitter to like this.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

@SyrupTishus_01 And there's my first typo in two years.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

@SyrupTishus_01 This is the only thing I've like on Twitter in two years.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

@Ayodejiiiiiiie @SyrupTishus_01 No, she's just adverse to misogynistic cretins.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

No shed rocks harder.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

I'm thinking about putting on two hundred pounds and changing my name to "Arnold Balmer" so I can say "almost like the golfer but not quite" and everyone will laugh and yell out "Stop, Arnold! Our sides!".

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

@LePetitOiseau_L It was a pretty easy job.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

You were the best cat ever. RIP Chippy.

[Natty Lumpo @nattylumpo88]

Thank fucking God.

[Jan·da·līze ☆ @Jandalize]

I put extra cheese in my mac and cheese and created a magic new dimension.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

Given Vince Neil's age and weight I think it's a safe bet it'll be necessary to literally kickstart his heart soon.

[Ava @avainwordland]

Some obese, oily goblin is jerking off to your selfies, but, please, keep posting them.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

The hardest part of having a new phone is adding all your swears back into the keyboard dictionary and removing "ducking".

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Nice selfie, bro. You look like how I imagined Charlie from "Flowers for Algernon" looked 'before' the operation.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Did anybody notice that Jeff Bezos' rocket looked like a penis?

[Natty Lumpo @nattylumpo88]

There's not much I wouldn't do for Rand Paul's neighbor. Nothing is off the table. Nothing.

[😈 Reputa the Beauta 😇 @reputathebeauta]

Some girls smell like flowers and forever. I smell like garlic and a cheap divorce lawyer's office.

[Neil Parmesan @ktoab]

Cherish the good times and memories like when you taught your kid how to shoot rats and smoke at the town dump. Happiest ten year old girl ever.