kyle butcher

too many think pieces, nowhere near enough time

[brent @murrman5]

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

[Joey⚡️ @joeygllghr]

Country music: I’m going to live and die in my hometown :)

Pop punk music: I’m going to live and die in my hometown :(

[GoliathFan1952 @ByYourLogic]

18, financially stable, making quote tweet bait so older millennials can go viral by saying “student loans depression drugs”

[brent @murrman5]

[me typing “high blood sugar sounds like the name of an energy drink” on my phone] haha
[doctor watching me] do you understand what I’ve just told you

[Purp 💜 @_herbeautyxo]

I don’t want my man to wear glasses , I feel like that’s a lil gay 🥴😂😂

[kyle butcher @kylebutcher5]

@SeanFennessey
listening to the Do the Right Thing rewatchables podcast. Having watched The Night of the Hunter the other day, and found the villain’s hand tattoos interesting (Radio Raheem, and no spoilers)
https://t.co/S783T6Bx9h

[jos @josiahhughes]

consider the problem solved

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

[first rap battle]

me: call me artisanal burger because i'm falling apart

opponent: please stop crying

[Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji]

Me:

Obama:

Me:

Obama:

Me:

Obama:

Me: kinda feels like Mickey Mouse hasn't done anything in a while

Obama:

Me: like we all know who he is, but

Obama: but he's not relevant enough to be The Face Of Disney™

Me: relevance, that's the word I was looking for

[wint @dril]

corn should grow from sprouts, like beans do. none of this cob bullshit

[Jose Canseco @JoseCanseco]

In 27 years 6 months 7 days and 6 hours Humanity will change greatly

[Jon Bois @jon_bois]

they’re making a cat movie i think, so be on the lookout for that

[wint @dril]

pretty much like 80% of the cats in that movie are fake

[wint @dril]

URGENT—From CEO of Pampers USA LLC: "The singular noun associated with our product is 'PAMPERS™ Brand Diaper'. It is not called a 'Pamper'"

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

dvd rental guy: [calling me] look man you gotta bring back the lego movie

me: [answering the phone in front of my date] oh hey keanu

[wint @dril]

wiccan and juggalo are the same thing. they just announced it on the News

[kyle butcher @kylebutcher5]

the saga continues #TonyHawkIdentityCrisis

[Tony Hawk @tonyhawk]

Went to a convenience store on my way to skate, approaching counter with water & Advil (I’m old), clerk sees me: “you look like someone”
me: oh yeah?
him: “what’s your name?”
me: Tony
him: “last name?”
me: Hawk
him: “you are him?”
me: yes
him: “no charge, but you owe me a selfie”

[wint @dril]

sure, punch all the teeth out of my mouth for having an Opinion. Very good