Kyle Jones

Stand up comedian / writer / actor from Vancouver . lover of adult naps , vodka and gin

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Watching from Pender island , British Columbia, Canada @netflix #NFLonNetflix

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

I’m refreshing twitter today like it’s chaturbate during the lockdown .
#Ohtani #BlueJays #SHOHEI #porn

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Rogers just called me saying I owe 8 cents from last month’s bill . Maybe this is a good sign for the Blue Jays
#OhtaniWatch #BlueJays #ShoheiOhtani

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Shohei the money . SHOHEI THE MONEY . #Ohtani #bluejays #mlb

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

It cost him 4 million to bang someone’s mom . When I was growing up , All it took was cutting the neighbor lady’s lawn .
#bedard #Blackhawks #coreyperry #nhl

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

I feel that the “iron dome” would’ve been a great wingman in my 20’s

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

@BCFerries I’m sure you’ll find away to fuck that up

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Well @BCFerries , You’re starting to remind me of myself in my 20’s . Constantly letting people down , always late with the ability to make people sick with your cooking .
#bcferries #bc

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Hey @CTVVancouver @GlobalBC looks like @BCFerries hasn’t learned ! People waiting hours at Swartz bay to get to the gulf islands tonight because of staff shortage .

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Congrats @BCFerries ! Day one of being grounded by the government and you have already shit the bed .

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

If will smith loses his award . His Oscar wouldn’t be the first bald thing in his life to start seeing other people . #AcademyAwards2022 #WillAndChris #WillSmith

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Hey @ColemanUSA ! Just wanted you to see what my talented sister made from scratch for Halloween

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Hey @ColemanCanada ! Just wanted to show you how much effort my sister put into her homemade Halloween costumes !!

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Congratulations to @BCFerries for surpassing my ex girlfriend on the amount of people you’re screwing today.

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Weird day . Out of the blue , I asked “Siri” to play Will Smiths - Men in Black . Like for no reason . Anyway .. weird day

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

The expansion draft is crazy ! I think regular businesses should start doing this . Monday you’re a lawyer and Tuesday .. claimed by Home Depot .
#ExpansionDraft #SeaKraken #nhl

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

Thanks to @cbfowler , @MapleLeafs fans have someone else to be upset with besides … well , The Maple leafs .
#SeattleDraft #Leafs @FriedgeHNIC

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

I’m assuming “Reese’s Pieces “ won’t be a sponsor of the #bluejays this year .#mlb @timandsid

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

The Houston Asterixs #Astros

[Kyle Jones @kyledavidjones]

“Grab them by the poppy”
- Don Cherry #doncherryfired #sportsnet @billburr