Lance Cottrell

[Lance Cottrell @lancecottrell2]

@humorandanimals @dinger023

[jen merritt!!! @jennifermerr]

quarantine got me acting like a roomba. no purpose no direction just bumping into stuff and occasionally doing a half-assed job cleaning something

[Huron Pines @HuronPines]

Not to be the bear-er of bad news but it's time to take the birdfeeder down. Bears are waking up and looking for easy snacks. No nuthatch is gonna stand between this beast and suet. @MichiganDNR has other tips to avoid negative run-ins with #wildlife at https://t.co/G8YCMx5K3w.

[Andre @Andre_]

If I gave you 100 skittles and told you 3 of them could kill you.... I’m sure you would avoid the fucking skittles

[Bridget Phetasy @BridgetPhetasy]

I hate you, Sam.

[. @SuiNeltwork]

we are sad to report that baby yoda has coughed once so we tied 60 churros to both of his tiny legs and watched him sink to the bottom of the splash mountain water

[ZUBY: @ZubyMusic]

Why are so many people on Twitter angry all the time?

Calm the heck down.

[Doc  @DocAtCDI]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.

[carl0s3strada @carl0s3strada]

they got Austin Powers commentating the election

[Positive Thoughts @jasoncvincent]

Facebook forgot who Barry Sanders is and is freaking out at Garth Brooks for wearing a jersey and I’m dying.

[Nerd Girl Says @Rachael_Conrad]

For the love of god UNMUTE THIS

[Andrew Malcolm @AHMalcolm]

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar. Rabbit says, "I think I may be a typo."

[The Babylon Bee @TheBabylonBee]

After Taking Brutal Beating In Debate, Bloomberg Rushed To Tiny Hospital In Tiny Ambulance https://t.co/RasyjOgqxP

[Lance Cottrell @lancecottrell2]

@chad_m_stewart While it’s was sub zero with snow up to your knees in Gaylord with 5-6” coming tonight. I don’t expect to see robins for a little while.

[Lance Cottrell @lancecottrell2]

@stfukatelin Been there and done that eh?

[Lance Cottrell @lancecottrell2]

@stfukatelin Better than your face 😂

[The OG Devil's Agvocate 🇺🇸 (aka Michelle) @MGigger]

I talk to my children only in “Super Troopers” quotes. That’s why my kids are more fun than yours right meow.

[Lance Cottrell @lancecottrell2]

@clur19 @dinger023