lascal - for alcohol

Dumber than rocks, stronger than a hippie’s BO, and as offensive as your racist uncle. Married and I flirt like a whore. Modern love

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@HavingFunYett @noaccountlurker Line. Dried. Sheets. <shudududder>

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@PrisonCookies I can’t imagine it being a pleasant experience what with the bending and contorting and the newly found need to get a taint lift.

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

Why yes I’m drinking tequila at 4:30 in the morning. What else do you do when you finish cooking tequila-lime chicken for 28 people?

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@youlooklikeamom He’s saying so often so he can remind himself. A credit to your appeal and a credit to his loyalty. Clearly not in an open marriage.

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@noaccountlurker Since it’s the default setting for most humans over 30 can we just end the competition now and declare all the people hornies

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@CatsVsHumanity Kim Kardashian is weird looking. Please don’t think this is what a human actually looks like because she was built in a factory

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

Just to be clear, I don’t want to help you with that but I would like to watch. #simplepleasures #pervy

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@stonedk1tty That’s a lot of weed! Like seriously...so much WEED!

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@stonedk1tty *that ACTUALLY want unsolicited pics

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@stonedk1tty From one of my best, gay as Dorothy’s ruby slippers, friends:
“It’s usually boys who want those so they pose as girls because straight men are gullible AF!”

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@adorableinNE @TusingApril That’s the kind of fun that makes the world go ‘round

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@adorableinNE @noaccountlurker So if you’re saying I should be@like cheesecake then I’m going to need more dairy, more sugar, and crust.

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@misslillytoyou I got high and organized my kitchen last night. And today I feel

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@_Green_Lemon Minotaur

[Ginger @gingerbrigade1]

Anyone that fakes an orgasm is a fucking idiot.

Fight me.

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@kimbermahree Wha

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@violinisbae You👏🏼CAN👏🏼be👏🏼a👏🏼Christian👏🏼and👏🏼be👏🏼gay🖕🏼You👏🏼CAN👏🏼be👏🏼a👏🏼Christian👏🏼and👏🏼be👏🏼gay🖕🏼You👏🏼CAN👏🏼be👏🏼a👏🏼Christian👏🏼and👏🏼be👏🏼gay🖕🏼You👏🏼CAN👏🏼be👏🏼a👏🏼Christian👏🏼and👏🏼be👏🏼gay🖕🏼You👏🏼CAN👏🏼be👏🏼a👏🏼Christian👏🏼and👏🏼be👏🏼gay🖕🏼You👏🏼CAN👏🏼be👏🏼a👏🏼Christian👏🏼and👏🏼be👏🏼gay, 🖕🏼.

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@diemydarkling I try not to analyze idiocy too much because dark hair + light eyes = alluring

[🌱ﾟLisa･⁠｡✿ @brummett_marie]

Female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away.

Same.

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@youlooklikeamom @kranecalv Don’t get me wrong you look fab but I think blue would be even better.

[lascal - for alcohol @lascal12]

@youlooklikeamom @kranecalv Manchester is blue.