Laura

establishment ghost hiding beneath a heavy layer of sarcasm

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@chratyOG 🥲

[Laura @laurakbarr]

also i NEED someone to explain to me why men who list their religion as Agnostic are sending me likes ????

[Laura @laurakbarr]

i don’t actually think he knows what an inside joke is…

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@chratyOG some of them send a message along with their like! sounds exhausting tbh 😂

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@jarvis_best taylor said “take that, bitch”

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@senpai_yolo i also had a tabby girl who had iconic rbf. i miss her everyday. glad your baby is back home 😭❤️

[Laura @laurakbarr]

i don’t actually think he knows what an inside joke is…

[Laura @laurakbarr]

>be me
>see ad for a church close to my house
>go to their website for more information
>read about their beliefs
>click on Holy Spirit section
>“The first physical sign that someone has been Baptized in the Holy Spirit is that they will speak in an unlearned language.”
>🫩🫩🫩🫩

[Laura @laurakbarr]

i miss these idiots so much 😭

[Dallas Stars @DallasStars]

Get yourself a bestie that you can chirp your other bestie with 🤝

[Laura @laurakbarr]

wow jarvis is right for once. i’m sure it won’t last

[Jarvis @jarvis_best]

New York area sports fans ranked from least annoying to most annoying:

8. Islanders

Cool guys! Will give you a ride in their dad’s Porsche and not even make a big deal out of it.

7. Knicks

Could all change with a title victory but they’ve been so bad for so long and took it all in stride.

6. Mets

Lovable losers. Heartily boo and heckle their own team.

5. Rangers

Yeah yeah “Original Six” who cares. You haven’t won a Cup since 94. Get over yourselves.

4. Giants

We’re starting to get into People You Actively Try to Avoid territory. Finance bros. Decent coke but take a day off dude.

3. Jets

There’s different TYPES of metro area annoying people: elite trash and poor trash. These are the low rent mouth breathing Jersey trash. They are incapable of talking without yelling.

2. Nets

Hoopster trust fund failson Communists. Absolutely worthless people who could vanish off the face of the planet and no one would miss them.

1. Yankees

Somehow combines the worst of the high rent and low rent trash. Hedge fund dad, Mamdani super fan, for Obama but still uses the n word. They should all be jailed.

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@eigenrobot banger

[Laura @laurakbarr]

NEVER KILL YOURSELF LIFE IS WORTH LIVING

[St. Louis Cardinals @Cardinals]

NOOOOOOT is back!

OF Lars Nootbaar has been activated from the 60-day IL.

[Laura @laurakbarr]

i just discovered that i actually like grape tomatoes?? i used to hate them??? what is happening

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@jarvis_best which one have I been DMing?

[Laura @laurakbarr]

“they’re not easier to use than old-school nonelectric stovetop toasters”

actually they are. the market proves this. capitalism is beautiful.

[𝙷𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚖𝚊𝚗 @shagbark_hick]

It's honestly crazy that people pay for electric toasters.

They're not easier to use than old-school nonelectric stovetop toasters. They're more expensive. They break and must be replaced far more often.

Nonelectric toasters are more beautiful, more effective, and cheaper.

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@damintoell i have done this for years and have converted many skeptics as well. superior way to eat fries

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@OVTweetmarck clanker wankers

[Laura @laurakbarr]

sometimes i randomly think about this @iowahawkblog tweet from 10 years ago. what a banger

[David Burge @iowahawkblog]

Vaccinate your damn kids, you idiot freaks.

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@CheeseForEvery1 oh man this movie was on repeat at our house. what a gem lol

[Laura @laurakbarr]

@OVTweetmarck @Crevek “OI YOUVE GOT A LOICENSE FOR THAT FAN BRUV???”