Randy Carlyle

The former Head Coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs ........ isn't on Twitter. But this FAKE parody one is! It's all jokes. I don't know how to operate a toaster.

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Everyone can suck my dick! So happy to be out of this shithole. Phil and Dion can blow me! I'm still getting paid. Later, suckers! #Leafs

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Hey @GMDaveNonis, I'm still here too! I guess not making the playoffs & sucking so bad, had nothing to do w/ us. Haha! Suckers! #Leafs #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Whiny #Habs fans forget when Gionta took a head shot to my boy Reimer 2 yrs ago and killed his season. He's only been OK since. #Leafs #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Don't worry #Habs fans. I lost my #1 goalie at the end of the season, it worked out fine for us. Worked for Tampa in Round 1 too... No wait.

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

#Habs fans have short memories. Watch this, then STFU! Enroth gone for the season. http://t.co/0zUDWV5OHi #Rangers #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Well that didn't take long did it? One game and #Habs fans are in full whining mode about the world being against them. #NHL #Rangers

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Have #Habs fans starting whining yet about how the #NHL wants the #Rangers to win? Cuz you know they will! Just a matter of time. #Leafs

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

#Habs players whining about squirting water bottles and guys being mean during handshakes. STFU you crybabies! Grow up! #Leafs #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

James Reimer lost to France in a shootout today with Team Canada. France for fucksakes! I guess he was just OK. #Leafs

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

I've got 2 more years to figure out how to use a toaster. That's the important thing here. #Leafs #NHL

[Brendan Shanahan @LeafsPresident]

My first move as #Leafs President is to re-sign our shitty coach. See? I fit in already. I'm an idiot just like the rest of the organization

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

A new contract for me! To all my haters out there I have two words for ya. Suck it!! #Leafs #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Torts gets fired but I'm still employed. Gotta love that! And I can't even use a toaster! #Leafs #Canucks #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

If you guys want me fired, we need @ovi8 on the #Leafs. He gets everybody fired. Every year. #CoachKiller #Caps #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

And I thought Reimer was bad. Nice job Fleury! #Pens #Jackets #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Give @LeafsPresident a follow. I'm sure he'll have some good tweets explaining why he fired my ass next week. #Leafs #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

I was advised by @LeafsPresident today, that my official title is "Shanahan's Bitch". They're making new business cards for me. #Leafs #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Happy to have @LeafsPresident here on Twitter. He was hired by the #Leafs to show me how to use a toaster properly ... and fire my ass. #NHL

[Brendan Shanahan @LeafsPresident]

First day on the job and I already hate everyone on our entire roster and in management. #Leafs #NHL

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Last time a "tough guy" who grew up in Toronto, and was a #Leafs fan, came here to help, his name was David Clarkson. Good luck Shanny!