Lee Newman

I don't really like horses

[David__Osland @David__Osland]

Britain has 2,800 food banks

[Neil @_Enanem_]

Hello, I’d like to buy this please for my dog… my pet dog, that I have at home, a real dog that I have.

[Lee Newman @lee107]

@BillBailey Stokes Bay mate, you are literally lowering house prices with this sort of talk

[Zach Lowy @ZachLowy]

In order to protest against the club’s lack of recruitments following their relegation to the Spanish third tier, Málaga fans went to the airport and greeted random strangers as if they were new signings.

[@carliyolenervio]

[Count Binface @CountBinface]

Behold the best election flyer in British political history. They’re hitting Uxbridge doormats at this very moment! #VOTEBINFACE #UxbridgeAndSouthRuislip

[Count Binface @CountBinface]

STOP PRESS! I promise that as MP for Uxbridge & South Ruislip I WILL move the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the Crown & Treaty to a more sensible position. TO PROVE IT, I have just signed a treaty with the Crown & Treaty, that if I win they will move it. I keep my promises!

[Kenny Arnold @kennyarnold1997]

At this time, i stood in the garden of my sister while she was in the house. She had severe anxiety, her dog had just died and I was very worried for her. I was there for 30 minutes. Then two policemen turned up & threatened to caution me if I didn’t leave immediately. Jail him.

[Lee Newman @lee107]

....wait, what?

[Rap Updates Tv @RapUpdatesTv]

Fugees member Pras admits he was an FBI informant and faces 22 years in prison for conspiracy to serve as an unregistered agent of China after accepting $100 million.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

My son has brown eyes. My husband and I both have blue. Genetically, it's impossible that he's his father, but he's not very good at biology, so he doesn't know. I dread the day he learns this piece of trivia. Luckily, he looks like him because he's actually his nephew.

[Sesame Street @sesamestreet]

Happy birthday to our friend @llcoolj! We hope you're adding up lots of birthday wishes. We love you! ❤️

[Liz Jarvis @LizJarvisUK]

It is staggering how quickly the Conservative government has gone from clapping our nurses to threatening to sack them.

[JEDWARD @planetjedward]

Happy Jedmas 2022! Love Jedward

[cats with jobs 🛠 @CatWorkers]

⚽️ https://t.co/VBIKbmwCWE

[Police Squad! @policeincolor]

- Who are you, and how did you get in here?
- I'm a locksmith. And I'm a locksmith.
#PoliceSquad #locksmith