Lesly Collins

Writer ~ Designer ~ Napper

[Lesly Collins @leslyb4]

"To stupid and beyond" --the history of the human race

[Lesly Collins @leslyb4]

I just voted in the 2018 BWW Philadelphia Awards! https://t.co/WEYB0oI9eg

[P @daytrippin_05]

Merry Christmas to you all! 🎄 🎅

[Henry 3000 @Henry_3000]

I'm adding "best smelling author" to my bio and praying to God that nobody ever discovers I am neither.

[Sofia Mickey @walztutu]

Call me cruel, but inside me is a little scared girl. She's my twin sister and I ate her just before my birth.

[ugh* @heatherlou_]

*moves $124 to an offshore bank account*

[Josh @iwearaonesie]

wife: Why is your back all scratched up?
[flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone]
me: I'm having an affair

[elizabeth @Elizasoul80]

I'm a lot more tired once you get to know me.

[Brendan Smith @blacksab67]

No thanks, fourth side of any double album.

[Lesly Collins @leslyb4]

Big shout out to celebrities celebrating mother's day with their toddlers looking scared like: "Who the fuck are you and where's my nanny?"

[Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56]

I'm "Women now hold the door open for me" years old.

[Matt @mattgallo123]

I get free wifi in this parking lot so I just live here now.

[Ms. 4Eyes @jobless4eyes]

Oh, you list every stage of your boredom on Twitter?
* slowly backs away*
"Keep posting that ennui, dollface!"
*unfollows*

[Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56]

Me: What can I get grandma for Christmas?
Grandpa: Cow clippers maybe 😂
Grandma: What you boys talkin' about?
GP: Big Foot 😝
GM: That's nice

[Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91]

Also we must greatly expand our use of methamphetamines, crack, and heroin until the world comes to its senses. You first. https://t.co/ZuwF2kJn4c

[Anna Grom @rottensoloist]

"Yes, I interned for Cirque du Soleil. Why?"
*Casually tucks hair into a messy bun with left foot*