Shhh!

[Jo @JoJoFromJerz]

Thank you childbirth, for making sneezing such a gamble. 🙄

[Andrew Ward @AndrewWardKLKN]

FEEL GOOD FRIDAY; When Ash the corgi was diagnosed with an incurable disease, his owners wasted no time finding a way to make him feel more comfortable.

Check it out ⏬

https://t.co/K0BmodOJyx

#LNK

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

We’ve got to come together to defeat Donald Trump –– Democrats, Independents, Republicans, and yes, even Demo-cats.

[Ofc. Mike Bossman @OPDOfcBossman]

The show of support from thousands of people lining the procession route for @Lincoln_Police Officer Mario Herrera was incredible. It was an honor to help escort him back to Lincoln. #1205

[Shhh! @lets_cook]

@archane According to The Today Show, it's Michael Boulos, Tiffany's boyfriend.

[Shhh! @lets_cook]

@KariJoLee @DemConvention Thank you! This was bugging me.

[Shhh! @lets_cook]

@KariJoLee @DemConvention Ugh! Me, too! Who is narrating?

[Stephen King @StephenKing]

A priest, a minster, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."

[Shhh! @lets_cook]

@JiveAssBastard And the Dr. didn't even flinch.

[Emmanuel Acho @EmmanuelAcho]

Dear white people,
For days you’ve asked me what you can do to help. I’ve finally found an answer.

Let your guard down and listen.

[Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91]

Seeing actors without their hair and makeup done is wild.

[Shhh! @lets_cook]

Milck
If I Ruled the World
https://t.co/kCd5FtySnE

[Shhh! @lets_cook]

@nirak They're going to extreme measures to get people to stay home.

[Shhh! @lets_cook]

@LincolnBizBuzz "Closed" or going to online classes?

[Tom Kilian @TomKilianArt]

People say "I love dogs b/c my cat would never pull me from a burning building," but my cat tries and fails every day to save me from the shower. What is he going to do? He weighs 8 pounds.

[Maggie Lovitt @maggieofthetown]

Overheard in Target.

Little girl, probably 6/7 years old, clutching an Anakin lightsaber in her hands.

Mom: Don’t you want to buy some fun kitchen toys?

Girl: No, I want to defend the galaxy!

Mom: Look at this pink stuff!

Girl: You’re making me go to the Dark Side!

[Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91]

Me as a kid: [Falls 10 feet from the monkey bars] I'M OK

Me now: I tried to scoop ice cream that was just a little too frozen and I dislocated my shoulder.

[Vittoria @vitt2tsnoc]

1. It’s a landline.