Monkman

This is not professional please don't judge me

[Monkman @LetsGetSquatchy]

If no one hears from me I have left the country to pursue my passion of fruit farming

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

unfortunately no mainstream news organization has yet found the courage to ask the question i’ve submitted to every debate. but i will not stop. the american people deserve to know

[Jrg @craigmacdermott]

Date idea: I eat too many edibles and you take care of me

[Bunsen, Beaker, Bernoulli & Brix @bunsenbernerbmd]

Moose are bananas https://t.co/bC8BautVwy

[Syntac @SyntacYT]

I am excite.

[Jurassic Park Updates @JurassicPark2go]

UPDATE FOR GUESTS: if you have a really big gun with you or if you’re really strong and have like a big huge sword then you’re welcome to keep walking around the park

[Jurassic Park Updates @JurassicPark2go]

ATTENTION GUESTS: Perfect day for a nice cup of hot cocoa 🥰 head to the cafe for some free cocoa! ☕️ Nothing weird going on, just please hurry to the cafe. Everyone get inside the cafe now! No worries though

[Blair Braverman @BlairBraverman]

She was extremely pleased with herself. She’d conquered a fear *and* solved a problem on her own, all in a few minutes.

What a perfect girl.

The end.

[derek guy @dieworkwear]

i hope this email doesn't find you. i hope you are an escaped flamingo in south texas. i hope you are free

[Monkman @LetsGetSquatchy]

Mom can we get Winnie-the-Pooh?

We have Winnie-the-Pooh at home.

Winnie-the-Pooh at home:

[Every* Beanie Baby @beaniebabybot]

Poopsie the bear.
Birthday: March 31, 2001.
“I’m a bear who’s sweet as honey
I’m also cute and very funny
Take me home, we’ll laugh and play
‘Cause by your side is where I’ll stay!”

[Zack Stentz @MuseZack]

During the brief period a decade ago when we were doing research for Top Gun 2, the funniest thing I learned is that Navy fighter pilot call signs tend not to be badass names like "Maverick" and "Iceman" but something funny or embarrassing about the pilot.

[Hamson Dan @Alldogsaredead]

I love when Gandalf finds out the magic ring Bilbo has is the one ring and he's like oh fuck no way. It must be like finding out a dog you know has gotten possession of an ICBM.

[Emily Murnane @emily_murnane]

Ur asking a lot of questions that have already been answered by my (not satanic) listing title

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

I think the scariest alien scenario ever would be if they came to earth, didn’t talk to humans, communicated with something in the ocean for a few days and then just left

[American Bald Eagle Foundation @TheABEF]

Bella was keeping an eye on us while we shoveled in front of her enclosure yesterday ❄️

[The Alaska Legislature But As Cats @AKLegAsCats]

Senator Jesse Kiehl, Juneau (D)

[Ingo @IngoBurghardt]

It me

[Monkman @LetsGetSquatchy]

@madithorne I like to think it's the highlight of their day when some poor soul listens to me talk about whatever animal I'm currently fixated on

[Monkman @LetsGetSquatchy]

@JoshSanko who sits in the front row then they see a movie