Lewi Wilkinson

utterly incapable of anything apart from cooking, playing guitar and getting pissed

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

I have a pain in my knee. It’s not bad enough to bother a doctor.
What should I do?

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

I was just dozing off, nearly asleep. And I had a dream/fantasy about a lass I used to know.. I still got rejected…

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@brunoog97 a small minority criticised the team. Ridiculous I agree. I’m super proud of this team that you are an incredible essential part of. Keep doing what you’re doing buddy. You’ll be winning trophies and maybe the balon d’or. We love you x

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

What’s the craic with the BBC presenter giving money to a teenage girl?
I’m fairly sure that if you’re over 16 years old you’re allowed to engage in sexual activity.. if I was a 16 year old girl and someone paid me £35k to interfere with myself on a webcam, yeah. Done..

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

Proper proud of Big Joe scoring on his debut for Brazil. The boy deserved it. Well played my man, well played…

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

I’m getting pretty sick of sweating out of my face…

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@StacieParsons89 @brunoog97 I did that with a Paulo Maldini signature on an AC Milan shirt. It’s ok, he’ll get over it..

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@GeordieRadge @ToonMouthTyne Eddie has the right approach, I think that man could take Berwick Rangers into Europe.
He’s ours though, he’s gannin neewhere…

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@GeordieRadge @ToonMouthTyne I think his time in charge was awful. We got a few good wins with him. But overall, I never believed he was good enough to be in charge. I gave him lots of time because he used to come to St.James’ when he was a bairn.. I never felt the loyalty though.
Eddie is the man…

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

My beard is getting out of control, using the scissors is now too much for me to control.. I don’t have clippers, the only shop near me that sells them,.,.. I bought them and they didn’t work so I had to take them back.
Clean shave or let it grow?

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@GeordieRadge I kind of agree with you, but Bruno’s been carrying a foot/ankle injury for quite a while now. He still pulls off moments of genius..

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@SavMondo Why are you using dating apps?
Sav, you’re gorgeous. You don’t need to use that minefield of creeps.. go to the pub. It’s a lot easier

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@Pops__o My initial thought was that you’d spoiled a lasagna or a dauphinois.. that’s my naïveté..
get something cold to sit on

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@MadScientistFF It looks like a dead dog to me

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@NUFCThreatLevel Didn’t we just put loads of goals past them the other week? Big club my arse, get back in your basket…

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

I’ve been having irregular sleeping patterns recently, I woke up today thinking it was nearly 8 o’clock so I rushed down to the supermarket to buy a few essentials (including wine). I was already in the shop when I realised it was 8 AM and now I can’t ever go back there…

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

@SavMondo It’s lifting.. everyone says it’s the best tea, but they’re wrong!
I’m a more refined gentleman, I drink Earl Grey (there’s a monument to the man in Newcastle city centre, not sure how much input he had to the bergamot flavouring)

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

Why do snooker players get upset when someone coughs or a phone goes off? They learned how to play in snooker halls that are full of gangsters and violent criminals.. you would think that would’ve toughened them up toward coughing…

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

Have you seen Jurassic World: Dominion? Is it just me, or does the black guy look like one of the blue aliens in Avatar? (I swear to God there’s no prejudice in this tweet)

[Lewi Wilkinson @lewi_38]

I’ve got £5 left in my lotto account on my phone which I desperately need (I’ve just spent the last of my money on cheap and nasty food). But will it shite let me sign in and withdraw it. Bastards…