Dick-Fil-A

Comic. Drinker. Road Tripper | secondary : @funnydwayneduke • producer : @mqcfest and @bricc_cleveland

[Dave Yates @YatesComedy]

You ever think Cocaine Bear is just really resentful of his more successful older brother Smokey?

[stephen dorff blu e cig commercial @RJP_Comedy]

Guys will keep a pair of underwear in the rotation like they’re an old family heirloom like “that’s my daddies old huntin underwear”

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

@laviejoem I have 2 Simpsons tattoos, and have seen every single episode. Even though I think they have at least 2 perfect episodes per season, I do wish it had gone away a few years ago. I’ll continue to watch as long as it’s on, and will be sad to see it go. But I hope that time is soon.

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

@laviejoem There’s not a single woman in the comment of OP who was down. Just a bunch of dudes that don’t have the memory of squatting out his big headed kid.

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

Rap at karaoke is always a crap shoot. Like are they gonna … oh no yeah they’re gonna say it.

Full chest.

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

@mtgreenee

[Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 @mtgreenee]

I was attacked in a restaurant tonight by an insane women and screamed at by her adult son.

They had no respect for the restaurant or the staff or the other people dining or people like me who simply have different political views.

They are self righteous, insane, and completely out of control.

I was sitting at my table, working with my staff, and never even noticed these people until they turned into demons.

People used to respect others even if they had different views.

But not anymore.

Our country is gone.

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

I got on twitter for two minutes and immediately learned about ‘landlord tiktok’ and ‘ministry molestation insurance’.

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

Jesus fucking Christ, there’s people out there making money on the very real possibility of molesting children.

[Brook Jolley @Brookjolley]

Churches: "Drag queens endanger children!"

Also churches: "Hey could you set up a fund to legally protect us when one of our members inevitably molests a child? We will pay you a monthly premium to protect us when we harm children. That is normal and should be legal."

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

Cocaine Bear? No, no thanks I don’t like going to circuit parties.

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

Things my older customers have raged about today:

- hiring social workers and mediators instead of cops (which my city isn’t doing)

- the bike lane the city is putting in front of the bar. “Where are we supposed to parkl?”

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

Idk why but I looked for the wnba tv schedule for the upcoming season y’all BG *MIGHT* have one televised game this season.

Like shit who does the promotions for this league if you can’t get a political prisoner’s return season coverage on ESPN 2? Why even keep the league?

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

Oh son of a bitch a drag race marketing gimmick has worked on me. The only queens I can name from recent seasons are the straight guy and the tiktok twins.

[Jennifer McAuliffe @JenniferJokes]

When Jesus said “Peter you are the rock on which I build my church” he was making an erection joke

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

@erinisnotfunny I want the story, but I love it without context.

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

.@CleGuardians I think you should rerelease the .@TheJK_Kid ‘s Dirtbag Jersey.

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

I just earned the 'Land of the Free (Level 17)' badge on @untappd! https://t.co/h5BfXIj3pE

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

I just earned the 'Cheers to Independent U.S. Craft Breweries (Level 15)' badge on @untappd! https://t.co/gO0PxXg6a0

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

Hey .@Pink it’s a goddamned Friday afternoon I didn’t ask for all this emotional trauma.

*buys concert tickets*

[Dick-Fil-A @lifesaparty]

I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty sure I’m better at baseball than Michael Jordan today.