Guy Esposito

[Rob Gucci @heatdaddy69420]

The year is 2090. There are 125 teams in the NHL. There is now a team on Mars. Jaromir Jagr is the captain of the team. He is 118 years old. Gary Batman is still the commissioner, he is dating AOC. There are 200 games in the regular season. The season begins in August and ends in July. There are 40 outdoor games a year, the Blackhawks are playing in all of them. Mark Messier and PK subban co-GM the best team in the league, the Bay Area Baristas. They are rivals with the Capitol Stormers who play out of Arlington Texas. Connor McDavid’s son is the leading scorer of the league. He has 700 points in 8 games. I’m running out of shit to say right now. Was just doing this while I wait for my car at valet. It’s pulling up now. Forgot what I even wrote in this. $100 to valet a car in NYC for the night lol. That’s baseball.

[Guy Esposito @lilguyguy]

@gbrazybaby Jealous of jackson.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Altuve is what?

[Killa 🌺 @KillaKreww]

Theo Von was CAUGHT OFF GUARD and couldn’t stop LAUGHING after country star Luke Bryan perfectly SET HIM UP for a joke 😭💀

“Do you like duck meat?”

“Never had any.”

“Duck on down here and get some of this meat.” 🤣🤣

[tido bling @tiido_bling]

I liked her IG story, now all that’s left is for her to reach out and plan a date

[NFL Memes @NFLMemes]

Social media has uncovered yet another dude scamming people by posing as an NFL player 😭

[Mike “The Vacuum” Baggarty @TheBigVacuum97]

🚨 TRADE OFFER

I receive:
- A bar tab full of regret and bad decisions
- Prolly a shit hangover tomorrow

Every women in my phone receives:
- Horrible shots that teter the line of sexual harassment

[Viva La Stool @VivaLaStool]

Thread of the day

[Ryan Winchester @ryanwinchester]

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY: Canadian Geese are now called DONALD DUCKS.

[Jasmine. @glacier_heart]

he’s always having a worse day than me. 😭

[Filthy Armenian @FilthyArmenian]

PostParton depression

[Jake “JBOY” Crain @JakeCrain_]

“Weezy F baby and the F is for field goal”

[vandul @_vandul]

Imagine being Dolly Partons mortician and they leave you alone with them

[Slutzy Putzy @putzisbackbaby]

❤️

[Benny Gin Drinks @benhasfailed]

Has anyone said breast in peace

[Dr. Richard Harambe @Richard_Harambe]

🫡

[Jordan Schmaltz @J_Swish24]

Just got the tragic news of Dolly “Nukes” Parton shuttering. When you think of one of those Mount Rushmore types of sets’ your brain immediately goes to the pride and joy of Pittman Center, Tennessee who had a set of absolute bolt ons. To be a true innovator of the fake nuke game, Dolly risked her life for America by undergoing a surgery when it wasn’t even clinically safe to do so dating back to the summer of 1967. Like the phase 1 prototype fake tits we’re quite literally going down to the local bowling alley and inserting a couple 10-12 ounce balls in your upper chest that felt like you were on a rock climbing wall when your grabbed ahold of them. Dolly Parton paved the way in the same sense Henry Ford did with the assembly line. She opened up an avenue for the female population to explore if they so chose that route of bolstering up their cannons. They became the norm. In masses. She was an American icon. Plastic surgeons to this day should have her picture hanging in their operating room as a tribute and better yet, a thank you of service. If it wasn’t for Dolly. Who knows where we would be. There’s certain people who change the game in their own right and in their respective craft. Dolly was that. Lastly as we honor her chin and her set I would like to take a moment of silence………………..
Thank you Dolly. RIP to a true American Hero.
1946-2026 🙏

[gaby @ggclx_]

If I press 2 for English why the fck is Aladdin on the phone

[BakerMuse @MuseBaker]

- Osama Bin Laden in 2001