Abs

well well well...we meet again :) (she/her)

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

i’ll probably never get married because i’m pretty untidy and hate taking out the trash but also maybe because of the fact that i mutate into an enormous house fly every night

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

“are you okay?” no, i’ve been researching the flora and fauna of the deepest parts of the planet’s oceans for the past 9 hours and have lost all grip on reality

[nives🧃 @ni7es]

Seeing onions for the first time:

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

unsure why he abruptly canceled our date when i told him i was on my way, traveling via the city's sewer system

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

i think it's so cute when a guy doesn't call the cops on me when i steal his car in the middle of our date and speed away because i have to make it home by 7:30 for Jeopardy

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

sorry i can’t make it, i currently have food poisoning from eating a very obviously rotten, rancid grape simply because i didn’t want him to be ashamed that he was the only one not eaten

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

don't mind me. i'm staring at you while furiously jotting down notes for completely normal reasons :)

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

i had to immediately call off my engagement when i found out he didn’t want to get married knee-deep in a mosquito-infested bog

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

“i need to lock in” and it’s just taking the clothes out of the washer and into the dryer

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

bedtime? you mean time for the 8+ hours i spend researching mysterious shipwrecks of the past?

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

i save a lot of time getting to my friends’ houses by simply tunneling underground the entire way there and forcefully emerging out of their front lawn like a giant groundhog

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

awkward silences on dates are not an issue for me. you can easily fill them with realistic impressions of braying mules

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

“you’re so quiet” i’m literally choking to death on a Fig Newton

[A bear @A_single_bear]

I do not need shoes, but this does not mean I do not think about them. I am a bear.

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

“are you okay?” no, i picked up one quart of strawberries at the grocery store but ended up putting it down and buying a different one and the first one probably got all excited when i picked him but is now sitting there wondering what he did wrong

[jurdle @jurndan]

Anyone know any good water recipes?

[Abs @lilweirdthing]

i personally think the best accessory to complete a chic date-night look is an entire raspberry bush attached to your head whose thorns are thoroughly entangled in your hair and you can’t get it out in time oh god somebody please help

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

“I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand” that’s fucking crazy dude. Did you get a picture. Did you call the news. Why am I the first person you’re telling about this

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

our Spotify wrapped just dropped

[trash jones @jzux]

for the small price of 3-4 drinks i will act so so weird to you!!

[trash jones @jzux]

no more fun facts. i want to hear a scary, unsettling fact about you