Lindsay Gillenwater

I like yellow jelly beans. I really like them.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

Our secrets sleep in winter clothes

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

“I’m sorry but I think I just broke the toilet seat”. He was non chalant but then went to work sleuthing. The problem, as it turns, is this awful guard on my knee

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

There were no the three left of the same make and model of my truck in the parking lot this morning and I am truly confused. I have my finger prints on every blue truck.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

OMG there is literally a show called ‘Sex sent me to the Slammer’ about weird ways people get arrested for sex in public and I think I have a new addiction. So that.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

@ddthompson50 Yes. I am your date, dumb dumb. Then I realized I was asking my own boyfriend out for a date that he planned.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

I’m so high that I just asked my boyfriend if I can ‘bring a date’ to this obligatory party tonight.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

I jokingly said to my doctor “Sometimes I think my body is older than I am” and she very seriously said “that is true”

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

Today I found out there is pumpkin spice spam- like for real- and orange Vanilla Coke. I got the orange Vanilla Coke. It tastes like a creamsicle. In a very guilty way.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

I just sleep-ate a kitty treat thinking it was a cookie. Sadly, I kind of liked it.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

So my s.o’s mom just gave me a gift bag. It was full of fertility pills. WHAT IS THE CORRECT RESPONSE TO THAT?!

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

So that fucking skunk was back. Wanna know how I know?

[The New York Times @nytimes]

David Bowie is now a Barbie. Mattel released a doll that depicts Bowie's glittering alter-ego, Ziggy Stardust https://t.co/WrU82Lrd23

[Texts From Last Night @TFLN]

(573): Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

I just accidentally ate a paper towel. That’s right.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

@ThatDaveJordan Yo life is real. I’m making breakfast for everyone who i didn’t real girl be mean.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

For the second time in my life broken ribs have resulted from attempted sex. So that.

[OME @Mike_Eagle]

how does r kelly keep being free to be arrested again?

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

Y’all. I just got my truck stolen, tracked the perps down (APD was kinda useless) and STOLE my own truck back from a thief. This is where my life has gone.

[Lindsay Gillenwater @lindsaygrocks]

My cat woke me up and spat on me.

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Fun watching the inbred British press trash Labour as they grapple with the upcoming nightmare Johnson premiership they know they won’t be able to sell to the public. Sorry, austerity & inequality can’t be papered over forever, you ghouls.

[National Geographic @NatGeo]

Cacao became so important to ancient Mesoamerican civilizations that they used it in religious rites and as currency #InternationalChocolateDay https://t.co/f3KrCiZeVy