Alex

tweets are not my own

[Alex @literalli_me]

the greatest hurdle bw me and world domination is that my bladder is the size of a thimble

[ana paula @appinto52]

people who are mad at @phoebe_bridgers for smashing a (1) guitar on snl think the show's million-dollar-per-episode budget goes to charity

[Alex @literalli_me]

@brenda_vngas why stop at managers, i embarrass myself in front of everyone

[Alex @literalli_me]

yall ever hate when companies name something a flavor and its not accurate at all? this honeycrisp apple soap tastes nothing like the real thing

[Alex @literalli_me]

phoebe bridgers hits me in a place where the sun doesnt shine

[Alex @literalli_me]

wtf wombats are cute af yall

[Alex @literalli_me]

@aneightyearold what are your thoughts on wattleseed

[Alex @literalli_me]

i almost threw out my neck sneezing today while opening the fridge so yes, that is how today is going

[Alex @literalli_me]

my life goal is to become rich enough to own a house so big that im scared of leaving my room

[Alex @literalli_me]

@klevin_baoteng

[Alex @literalli_me]

in middle school gym i used to crush up smarties and inhale and blow them out so it looked like cigarette smoke this is real

[Alex @literalli_me]

a man said to me today its a pleasure doing business with you but i told him i never mix business with pleasure

[Alex @literalli_me]

@dino_nivle dinosaurs are extinct elvin idk if u know that

[Alex @literalli_me]

reminder that the berenstein bears is actually spelled berenstain and your childhood was a simulation

[Alex @literalli_me]

yall didnt watch the 2001 26-episode anne of green gables animated series growing up and it shows

[Alex @literalli_me]

my greatest weakness is halal carts at lunchtime

[Alex @literalli_me]

i play the magic card pot of greed. it allows me to draw two new cards from my deck

[Alex @literalli_me]

@dino_nivle LGTM = lets go to maine

[Alex @literalli_me]

@dino_nivle windows are the souls to the eyes

[Alex @literalli_me]

if a person is the most mediocre at being mediocre, does that make them the best at being mediocre? and if they're the best at being mediocre, how can they be mediocre at all?