llamathekujo 🇺🇲

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

My record against a six year old is zero and forty.

His name is Mason. He owns two foam swords, one blue and one red, and he crossed the lawn to challenge me with the calm of a man who has never lost anything in his life.

"I bet I can beat you."

I said nothing. He was not finished.

"I'm the best at swords."

The best at swords. Said to a man who has drawn real steel. And my chest filled, because it is a rare and holy thing to be challenged by a warrior of that quality of confidence.

He threw me the blue one. I tested its weight. It folded completely in half and made a small squeak. A fearsome weapon. I had underestimated the smiths of this country.

We bowed. I bowed lower. The challenger honors the one he challenges, but the one challenged honors the brave, and I have never met anyone braver.

"Three, two, one, go."

No stance. No guard. No form. Only screaming courage, both hands on the red sword, making an explosion sound with his mouth the entire time.

I could have ended it in one motion. To do so would have been an insult to that heart. So I parried. I gave ground. I let our blades ring the length of the garden, and by ring I mean squeak, and I fought as though the fate of provinces depended on it, because to my opponent it did.

He struck my knee.

I went down.

Hear me clearly. A folded tube of foam does not fell a samurai. But a samurai knows the exact moment a duel has located its rightful winner. So I went down the way a great oak goes down. Slowly. Correctly. Beaten by the better man.

"I win. I'm the champion."

Then he stood over me and something in him softened.

"Are you okay?"

"I am defeated."

"Do you want a juice box?"

His mother apologized from the kitchen window. She should not apologize. She has raised something magnificent and she should be told so at the next town meeting.

Forty duels. Forty losses. When he is grown and tells people about the summer he beat a samurai, do not laugh at him.

He did beat me. Every time. On purpose.

[Angry Cops @AngryCops]

Clancy Murder trial currently with a Hung Jury

[llamathekujo 🇺🇲 @llamathekujo]

@kyballistics This was a great video, watched it on Pepperbox! Thanks for doing it!

[llamathekujo 🇺🇲 @llamathekujo]

@CThesnowape @kindaconsensual @AngryCops @HLC_actual @Eli_Doubletap @Fat_Electrician @pepperboxtv Or... And hear me out... Drill-gernaut

[Karen Hamilton @KarenHamiltonVA]

Sorry about the illegal immigrant that was molesting young girls in the high school halls in Fairfax County but she’s sending good vibes.🤦‍♀️

[JOHN YOUNG - US NAVY - Ret. #MAGA! @jyparkway]

@InsiderWire

[llamathekujo 🇺🇲 @llamathekujo]

@Grandpa_Buff @POTUS @realDonaldTrump What does NADA stand for?

[llamathekujo 🇺🇲 @llamathekujo]

@aaliyahvtuber_ I never have to go clear across the country to NYC and get paid for it?!?!?! Yes, PLEASE!

[llamathekujo 🇺🇲 @llamathekujo]

@japan_nobunaga It's a greeting 😂

Person 1: "Hey, how's it goin'?"
Person 2: "Hey, what can I do for ya?"
Person 1: "I'm actually lookin' for..."

[Fox News @FoxNews]

BREAKING: U.S. forces struck two Iranian missile launchers on Larak Island after officials say Iran's Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps was observed preparing to launch rockets and deploy sea mines in the Strait of Hormuz.

The strike comes after U.S. Central Command completed an operation to clear sea mines from the critical shipping route last week.

U.S. forces are monitoring the area and remain prepared to protect the free flow of commercial shipping through the Strait of Hormuz, according to a U.S. official.

[Craft Vories @VoriesCraft]

Good.

[llamathekujo 🇺🇲 @llamathekujo]

@japan_nobunaga Bro, all you gotta do is not thank him for his you're welcome and you're good 😂😂

[Me&Doggo @dogsnfishing]

@HLC_actual Yep. They have no real consistent beliefs beyond hating the “right.” Everything else is emotional vomit.

[llamathekujo 🇺🇲 @llamathekujo]

@HLC_actual It's a wonder you're still married 😂

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

A small cup of white sauce arrived with my pizza in Ohio. I had not ordered it. Nobody at the table found this alarming but me.

White. Cold. Herbed. Unexplained.

I stopped the waitress. "We did not order this."

"That's ranch, hon. It's for dipping."

Ranch. In my land, a sauce is married to one dish. It serves that dish for life. It does not wander.

Two days later, ranch appeared beside carrots at my neighbor's house. Then beside chicken at a graduation party. Then at a drive-in, beside my fries, where a boy of maybe seven watched me hesitate and said, "You gotta dip it, dude."

I dipped. I chewed. Then I apologized, out loud, in the middle of the drive-in, to every fry I had eaten undipped in my life.

The boy accepted my apology on their behalf.

I began to test its borders. Fries. Accepted. Pizza crust. Improved. Salad. The bottle claims salad is ranch's actual job, as if everything else were charity work.

On my third visit I asked the waitress what ranch does not go with.

She thought about it. Real thought.

"Fish? No. Wait. Fish is fine."

There is no border. I went looking for the edge of ranch and found only more ranch.

I bought a bottle. Then the restaurant jug, because the bottle insulted my pace. Last night at 1 a.m. I dipped a slice of watermelon, purely as reconnaissance.

I finished the watermelon. Then I stood alone in the dark kitchen and bowed to the jug.

It seemed correct.

I was not conquering this sauce. I was being annexed by it.

A sauce that welcomes everything can refuse nothing. I have met entire armies with less confidence.

This country puts its welcome into everything. Even the sauce turns no one away.

I tried to write a rule. Ranch is for vegetables and pizza. Nothing else.

Then I learned the truth. There are only two kinds of food in this country: food that has met ranch, and food that is waiting.

I run a merciful house. Nothing waits.

[Mike Lee @BasedMikeLee]

This is completely false.

I’ve personally discussed this with President Trump many times.

On every such occasion, he has made clear that he doesn’t want to interfere with the right of Americans serving abroad to vote by mail.

Nothing he has said or done contradicts that.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I went outside because a truck had stopped, and the truck left a box with another man's name on it.

The name was Dwayne. Dwayne lives at 41. I live at 14. Somewhere a machine had read one house as the other, and now I was standing in the sun holding four pounds of a stranger's property on my own step, where anyone could see me holding it.

In my country this is a small emergency.

I carried it to 41 with both hands. Not under the arm. You do not carry another man's property under your arm like a newspaper you have finished with.

Dwayne opened the door in a shirt with a fish on it.

"Oh, hey."

I told him the delivery had failed. I told him I had found it. I told him it had not at any point touched the ground.

"You could've just left it."

I said I could not have just left it.

"Yeah, people do that."

He was not being rude to me. He was telling me the weather.

"You want a water?"

Nine days later, another box. Wrong name, right house. This time I had a system. I did not let it sit. I checked the step at 4:10, because the truck comes at 4:10, and I walked it up the hill before the label had cooled.

"Man, you don't gotta do this."

"It's socks."

Socks. I had carried socks up a hill with two hands and a straight back.

Then it went the other way. My box was delivered to 41.

I heard it before I understood it. A soft, terrible thump in my own yard.

I got to the fence at speed. Dwayne was already walking back to his door with one hand in the air.

"It's fine, it bounced."

Nobody decided this. There is no rule written anywhere. A box on an American porch is already home, and the porch of the man next to you counts as close enough, and a fence is not a border, it is a suggestion with posts in it.

I stood in my own yard with my own socks at my feet.

Last week a box came for 41 again. I picked it up with one hand. I walked to the fence. I threw it.

It went high. It went well. It landed in the grass like something that had always been going to land in the grass.

"Nice arm!"

Then I walked around by the road and checked on it, because I am not an animal.

[llamathekujo 🇺🇲 @llamathekujo]

@Grandpa_Buff @HLC_actual American Falls already exist in Idaho

[llamathekujo 🇺🇲 @llamathekujo]

@DanielDiMartino Where have you been in Idaho?

[Mike Lee @BasedMikeLee]

It’s Lake America