Liana Pardini

how could you do this to me question mark

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

@311DCgov your new “no parking” signs on the intersection of Orren St NE + Morse St NE aren’t properly spaced and constantly have people parking slightly blocking my driveway.

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

every time i jump to put jeans on i can’t help but think “lord this cannot be the same process beyoncé was talking about”

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

no one has more faith in me potentially not being single for yet another valentine’s day than the email marketing team at opentable

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

alexa really be acting like a stranger in my own home sometimes. ma’am, i have been asking you to play “far away” by 👑carly rae jepsen as my comfort song for 2 months now, why would you decide that today i wanted to hear “far away” by n*ckelback instead??

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

does everybody have that one light-switch in your home that you always flick for the wrong thing?? the power that inanimate object holds over me is diabolical

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

no one ever talks about the burden of assistance placed on the lone SUV owner in your immediate family (me)

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

watching You’ve Got Mail with vengeful feminist pleasure that the digital age would’ve put Fox Books out of business by now too 🙃

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

Please respect my own personal traditions and throw Everything but the Bagel seasoning during my wedding exit instead of rice

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

Hello followers

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

TOP 3 best feelings in the world:
1. first bite of a freshly glazed Krispy Kreme donut
2. the soft ends of dogs ears
3. when you see an ex's current picture and realize you had them during their peak hotness era

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

Getting a haircut is all well and good 'til it starts to grow out and someone tells you it looks like a Springer Spaniel's ear

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

15 y/o me is absolutely SHOOK that 28 y/o me now finds Kevin to be the most attractive Jonas Brother

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

I know everyone's been anxiously waiting for an update so I'm pleased to announce that 1.5 years after watching the pilot and 8 years after it premiered, I have finally finished season 1 of Game of Thrones. Thank you all for your continued support.

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

@OliviaRussak My greatest vegetarian struggle is missing orange chicken

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

@gabrielle__j mine was "God is a woman" so AMERICA IS FINE INDEED

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

Hello followers

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

White people's definition of "lit" is the last chorus of God Bless the USA where Lee Greenwood pauses for a breath after "stand UP! ............... next to you" and the cymbals kick in

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

Ever feel like you're really starting to get along with someone and then you see them walk to their car and it has a "coexist" bumper sticker on it and you realize you've made a huge error in friendship judgment?

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

Season Affective Disorder but for people who get moody from heat/humidity/bugs/BBQ's/lack of AC/out-of-office vacation replies/back sweat/sand/melted makeup/pressure to do outdoor activities/cramming in next to sweaty commuters on the metro

[Liana Pardini @lnpardini]

I just need to find a man who loves me enough to not divorce me the first time he cleans out our shower drain