see flowers

I like gardens, code, systems, people, timed chess, old things, and big cities. I help organize LA DevOps, @jsdotla, a chess club, and other things.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

Or I guess it scares me. Because OCD. There, I said it.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

And my OCD reaction with how people interact with me scares them. But it's because I am a giant nerd and I have way deeper *personal* stuff.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

And the thing is, my liking this stuff this way with my vocabulary with my enthusiasm with discussion scares people. But because it's fun.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

@tedder42 so I like welding because metal is 10000000000 times cooler than Ruby.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

@tedder42 like haproxyctl. That was my first Ruby project. And I crafted it and gardened it and then other people liked it too.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

And I wish I had the vocabulary to describe tool smithing in a way that did not sound offensive.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

One of the things I realize I like about building is that learning how to use tools is really fun.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

Thanks, friends, for being my support system.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

One of the things I am learning is that my anger comes from places I don't talk about. My faults. Talking helps that anger go away.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

Because I am toxic, childish to myself, I just can't see it because I am so afraid of my job breaking. It's just a job, time to grow up.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

And sometimes breaking up 100% of the way is easier than 95% of the way. Mentally, professionally, etc. Sometimes it just is.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

The best part of burning out is growing up and not feeling like I have to please anyone. That stuff is just toxic to everyone around me.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

K, going off line and hanging with friends. Thanks for being there.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

Ahhhhh it feels so much better to just type out thoughts freely with friends. Thanks <3

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

I also feared it was actually my job hacking me. After lunch with my boss know it wasn't but I was so afraid. And they're nice!

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

I still feel like I have to put myself out there in case I really am getting people hacked to ask why. When it was probably just a mugger.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

@sandymahalo no, on Main in Downtown, between 3rd and 4th. It's a lot more aggressive there.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

@Spencer_Allen that would be nice, or been doing more juice if you want to check out the new places.

[see flowers @lolcatstevens]

@alrs @lusis and that's cool, whatevs, but my first thought was is it because of where I worked? And work shouldn't be that important.