jt

they say I changed // what a pity if I stayed the same

[jt @lord_bogus]

I have a protein shake in one hand and a banana in the other and I started shaking the banana

[Boze Herrington, Library Owl 😴🧙‍♀️ @SketchesbyBoze]

it’s twenty-eighteen and being smugly uncaring is out. being passionate and fascinated and invested in others and shamelessly enjoying what you love is in.

[Samantha Ruddy @samlymatters]

MAGA twitter: we don’t need gun control we just need to stop bullying people

Me: maybe we should also do gun control

MAGA: snowflake

Me: I thought there was no more bullying

MAGA: just for children

Me: oh ok so kids are off limits

MAGA: here’s a meme of David Hogg as Hitler

[ian🌱 @watery_day]

someone: im 18
me: ok, reasonable
someone: i was born in 2000
me:

[Tim Kaine @timkaine]

Ten rounds.

That's the magazine limit allowed in Kentucky while hunting deer.

Yet when we call for similar limits on assault weapons used in mass shootings, we're told it violates the 2nd Amendment.

Why are we valuing deer lives more than human life?

[Joy Marie Clarkson @joynessthebrave]

When someone hasn't read a classic book, I always try to say "Oh! What a treat you have ahead of you!" rather than "I can't believe you haven't read this!" because no one wants to be shamed into reading.

We should lead with our delight in literature, not our pretentiousness.

[Lil B THE BASEDGOD @LILBTHEBASEDGOD]

She has her booty out next to me and she’s smiling and staring at me... that does not mean she consents to booty!!!!!! Nor did I consent for booty! So no booty! But... if we both consent then booty coming up - Lil B

[Chris Hayes @chrislhayes]

This is utter madness. I’m kinda out of words to describe it. https://t.co/LGqfcgDese

[mtobey @mtobey]

*hiding in a closet from an active shooter*
Me: This psycho has a machine gun and he just loaded another clip. Somebody help!
GOP: We’re here to help! It’s actually a semi-automatic rifle and they’re called magazines, not clips. Okay bye!

[Jesse Singal @jessesingal]

The number of conservatives who have been making TRIGGERED LIBS jokes for the last several years but who have been driven to their fainting couches in hysterical tears by Rude Teens is awesome

[Jono Zalay @JonoZalay]

Detective Pryzbylewski was so terrible at shooting bad guys that he BECAME a teacher.

[Trill Withers @TylerIAm]

Just yell out your favorite all time players names during sex actually women love it

[Trill Withers @TylerIAm]

Mario Kart taught me that if things going too well for you, get nervous. It won't last long

[Trill Withers @TylerIAm]

I'm not living my best life and I have no idea how to start