Paul Morris

Lapsed Yorkshireman living in south west London. Gym bore. SQL Server DBA. Owner of the world's most devious and controlling Yorkshire Terrier.
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[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

*signs on to Twitter for first time in a billion years*
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*immediately signs out* 🤮🤮

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

@DogsofTooting We found this dog wandering our street alone and no collar on.
He’s chipped, and hopefully the owner’s been called, but if not and if anyone is missing a Yorkie near Mitcham/Tooting/Colliers Wood borders, he’s at Streatham Hill Vets.

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

@Ocado I can't check out - I get "clean up on aisle 5 error". It looks like my payment details have disappeared because it says I don't have a stored address. Except in addresses, it's still there.

[The Register @TheRegister]

2020 should not have been pushed to prod.

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

I got one!

[Nigella Lawson @Nigella_Lawson]

#FattenTheCurve

[Owen Blacker @owenblacker]

Best handwashing poster? It's from the German satirical political party "Die PARTEI" and translates to "Wash your hands as though you've just been cutting chilis and now you want to masturbate" https://t.co/Jfk3lvjFAj

[The DM Reporter @DMReporter]

BREAKING: Tim Martin confirms that Wetherspoon’s will stay open as he insists you can’t contract #Covid19 there as “the virus needs an atmosphere to survive and there is no atmosphere in our pubs.”

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

News story for context:

https://t.co/L9FntzyMDJ

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

It's not "supermarkets rationing", it's supermarkets stopping people being dicks.

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

@zatytom Next time I won’t lock the world’s worst co-worker up.

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

@willhowells It’s best (worst) film ever made.

[Mo' @mocent0]

Remember, there’s only five more major pandemics before there’s a winner declared in the Labour Leadership contest

[Jon Harvey @jondharvey]

Tonight's Star Trek II screening at Hammersmith Apollo is still on: 3600 fans + 88-year-old William Shatner.
I reckon #ToBoldlyGo isn't the best motto right now, and I don't want to join Malcom McDowell on the list of people who killed Kirk. So I'm staying in the neutral zone.

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

Already on it, thanks.

(for the past 38 years)

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

@JonMarkDeane I stopped going to winter conferences the first time I got sick after one. Nerd Flu is real.

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

A heavy case of manflu set in during my commute this morning, and the pharmacies near the office are all sold out of cold and flu remedies. Y'all a bunch of panic buying, medicine-hoarding bastards. 😭😭😭

[Paul Morris @lordofmisrule]

Hurray! Just in time - I can switch mortgage deals next week.

[HuffPost UK Politics @HuffPostUKPol]

BREAKING: The Bank of England said it had reduced rates to 0.25% amid #coronavirus https://t.co/cNmpVDKFBe