Elyse Morlan

I love cats, Harry Potter, and the Oxford Comma. All views expressed are my own.

[Jeff Tiedrich @itsJeffTiedrich]

live your life in such a way that the whole fucking world isn't going to high-five the second your fourth indictment is announced

[Elyse Morlan @lysieloo87]

@Derrin_CLE Man, I’d love to know who you’re talking about.

[Jo @JoJoFromJerz]

On May 24, 2022 in Uvalde Texas, an 18 year old walked into Robb Elementary School and shot and killed 19 children and 2 adults.

Two days ago in Houston Texas, a man paused his dinner date to shoot and kill a fake parking attendant.

Last night in Cleveland Texas, 5 members of a family (including an 8 year old child) were shot and killed by their neighbor after they asked him to stop firing his gun on his front lawn so their baby could sleep.

So when Republican lawmakers in a state where it’s easier to get AR-15s than books about Black history say their abortion ban is about being “pro-life”…
They’re full of shit.

[Elyse Morlan @lysieloo87]

@reflog18 “I think you’re on mute”

[Snoop Dogg @SnoopDogg]

SnoopDobbyDobb

[Mueller, She Wrote @MuellerSheWrote]

Religion is weird. The priest of our parish is in prison for sexual abuse and assault. They dressed us as child brides to confess our sins. But drag shows are bad? FOH.

[Ryan Kromer @RKromer5]

Hey @BuddyNielsen my son Finn is a huge fan. Has to hear “end of the world” every day after school. @SensesFail

[Al C @Gotribe31]

If Oscar walks it off here I’ll get a SpongeBob tattoo

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

my addiction to buying things i don’t need started at the school book fair

[Omar Rivero @OmarRiverosays]

If Hillary was forced to testify for 11 hours over Benghazi, Trump should be forced to serve 11 years in federal prison for stealing nuclear secrets, inciting a deadly insurrection, and trying to overturn an election.

[julia @juliashiplett]

I’m 35. I’m getting cringy and corny. I’m doing things I know younger friends think are deeply embarrassing. I love it here. I am free.

[Elyse Morlan @lysieloo87]

@CrumblCookies 😬😬😬 don’t tell my boss pls! 🤚

[Jon Favreau @jonfavs]

Dark Brandon gets his agenda passed and his state secrets back, all in a week’s work.

[matt bernstein @mattxiv]

i made a little presentation

[Jo @JoJoFromJerz]

My daughter said she might want to become a vegetarian.
I told her she can be anything she wants.

Except a Republican.

[Molly McNearney @mollymcnearney]

Someday, God willing, I will attend my children’s weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets.

[Elyse Morlan @lysieloo87]

@ABC7 @dmnaypes here’s the sign to adopt another beagle that you’ve been waiting for!

[The Church Of Satan @ChurchofSatan]

This is your regular reminder that prayer has no place in schools.