Melissa B

4 8 15 16 23 42

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

There are no words to express how shocked and devastated I am to hear of Alan Rickman's death. He was a magnificent actor & a wonderful man.

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

computer: please enter a password

mymotherraised3kidsonherown

computer: *sheds a tear* strong enough for me

[Saucy Kensington @Book_Krazy]

WAITER: Room for dessert?

[flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts]

ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those.

[elizabeth @Elizasoul80]

[person jogs past my house]

Me: "WE DON'T LIKE THE SAME THINGS."

[Melissa B @m1ssmel1ss]

Great step towards diversity and gender equality in Canada! @EmWatson #ProudCanadian #Feminism https://t.co/0yO2RLwy4N

[Reuters UK @ReutersUK]

Canada PM Trudeau sworn in, reveals diverse gender-equal Cabinet https://t.co/U8OAaYLCP6

[Melissa B @m1ssmel1ss]

#TRUSLSGolf2015

[Melissa B @m1ssmel1ss]

#TRUSLSGolf2015

[Melissa B @m1ssmel1ss]

#truslsgolf2015

[Melissa B @m1ssmel1ss]

#truslsgolf2015

[Melissa B @m1ssmel1ss]

#TRUSLSGolf2015

[Jay @DirtMcTurd]

My uncle died and I had to go down and I.D. The body which was tough because it's been a couple years since I had seen him naked

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year?

Me: What's wrong with the one we live in?

12yo: WHAT?!

Me: Goodnight, son.

[The Cultured Ruffian @CulturedRuffian]

Dang grrrrl, you must be odd, because I can't even!

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

[pretending to be on the phone as guy with clipboard approaches me]
"What do you mean I already do too much for charity?"

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

[date orders a glass of water]
Sharks live in that [pushes chair back from table] that's what sharks live in.

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

I'll have 2 Big Macs please

Cashier: would you like to add 2 apple pies for 99 cents?

[grabs cashier by the shirt] of course I fucking do

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

*Might?* I guarantee I will. https://t.co/woiuVJf7fz