Commonwealth of Massachusetts

Harvard is our celebrity crush. We know it's hard to spell :) (parody account run by @breadstan69420)

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

Starting next year, you can no longer legally reside in The Commonwealth of Massachusetts if you are a heterosexual. We know it's unfair, but what can you do

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

@jackson_hearn1 @QUBIC_LABS @DamonCoxinnov8 @nic_carter @wsford @CastleIslandVC @NutterLaw @Algorand @Libonomy I’m an anti-capitalist parody account.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

@jackson_hearn1 @QUBIC_LABS @DamonCoxinnov8 @nic_carter @wsford @CastleIslandVC @NutterLaw @Algorand @Libonomy Gross

[GUIDED BY VOLCELS @xshowerbeersx]

Boston is great, the two most fun things to do are:
-walk around
-look at and gesture angrily to condos that stand on the ground of locations that used to mean something to you

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

Come stay in Massachusetts! Our largest metro area is becoming so gentrified and expensive and scrubbed clean of any of its charm that everyone who’s not a rich doctor is trying to leave. This was supposed to be a funny tweet

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

Going forward, we will make sure to not ACCIDENTALLY upload our very detailed, proofread, well-written (in our opinion) 100-page erotic fan fiction.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

We would like to issue another public apology for the erotic fan fiction we wrote about Matt Damon that we ACCIDENTALLY uploaded to Ao3. ACCIDENTALLY. It would be EMBARRASSING and WEIRD to upload it on purpose.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

We are sorry about how graphic it was and about the potentially disturbing use of the line “how about them apples?”

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

Is a Dunkin Donut really a Donut? More at 11

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

You say that was NOT what the Boston tea Party was about or how it worked?! What are you — a HISTORIAN?!

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

LISTEN HERE, buddy. You think you don’t wanna live in Massachusetts because it’s cold and the rent is too high? Many bags of tea DIED for your right to live here in the 1700s. MANY BAGS OF TEA.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

Every time Ben Affleck drops his tray of Dunkin’ coffees, he loses another five years of his life....sad, really. It’s why he cries every time.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

When you enter MASSACHUSETTS, you are greeted by a LOBSTER wearing a RED SOX HAT who looks at you in a very hostile manner, only giving you a very brusque “hi.”

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

Please do not fact check this statement.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

Meet Nochka. She loves sleeping on beds and people, making biscuits on her family members’ bellies, eating food too fast and throwing up, receiving pets and attention, and murdering mice. She has been voted Massachusetts’ Best Resident 15 years in a row.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

Truly, it hurts us as much as it hurts all of you to thank Mitt Romney for anything. We are sorry.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

We regret to inform everyone that we can partially thank Mitt Romney for us being ranked The Best State for Healthcare.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

In 2003, we Blessed the Gays With Marriage.

[Commonwealth of Massachusetts @ma_commonwealth]

oooooo yeah massachusetts