The older I get the more I realize that everything really is that deep. The people you confide in, trust, date, become friends with, where you work, the opportunities you take. What you watch, what you eat, and even what you consume +
In trauma recovery, things can get dark. We can go through periods of partial self-acceptance; then plunge into self-doubt; then REALLY plunge into self-hate...& then reel it in w/ self-forgiveness.
This work stirs up all KINDS of sh*t.
And it's worth it. YOU'RE worth it.
If you don't know: who you are, what you actually like, and struggle to make a decision as an adult without the help of a parent...
You might have been raised by a narcissistic parent
HERE'S WHY 🧵:
In healing, what is often overlooked is the power of validation. The words that tell someone we don’t think they’re crazy, we think they’re hurting. This has immediate and lasting impact.
Please be cautious when calling someone a ”control freak.” Many of them grew up in environments where making a mistake costs them greatly. Their fear of being out of control, is their fear of being unjustly punished. If it’s not hurting you, let them be.
Never tell a survivor they should have handled their traumatic experience differently. Often times, survival is the only option. That survival is meant to be respected-never questioned or critiqued.
Please be patient with those who have a hard time articulating how they feel. Many of them grew up in environments where not matter what they said, or how they said it, it was not enough to be heard. Their default to feel safe is to stop sharing. Again, patience please.
Sending deep love to those who are battling the reality that they will never get the approval from those they’ve spent so long trying to please. Patience for your grief as you realize, they were never going to offer it. Peace for your body as it learns to let go.
If you can't wrap your head around someone who has had no choice but to become estranged from a parent, then you will not be able to wrap your head around the unbearable history that lead to that decision. Even if you can't make sense of it, you can respect it & not add more pain