Molly Flanagan Wheeler

I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

I am not a play-doh mom. The color mixing has unlocked a new layer of anxiety I didn’t know I had.

[Dwayne Johnson @TheRock]

Just two bad ass dudes with a strong drip game and big football dreams.
One is going to the #SuperBowl and preparing to cement his gridiron legacy.
The other is only famous for rocking a fanny pack and a fucked up haircut.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

Can someone please explain to me why I cannot stop myself from putting a W on the end of hello every single time I start an email?

Hellow Team,

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

Okay @Allegiant what’s the deal? You won’t let me modify my trip online and say to call. The number given is just a busy signal. Your online chat is unavailable and your regular customer service number is over 2 hrs with no option to leave a call back. HELP. ME. NOW.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

High point of the day so far: spelling tchotchke right on the first try.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

Only if your crocs matched one of the layered wife beaters

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

@kelleyedoscope Literally had an interview today and 100% forgot to put on makeup

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

Laugh loud, laugh long, laugh often, and do it all in Jesus’ name. - Joey 3:16

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

I just walked in on @elpaso_texas steaming his pants WHILE wearing them. This is why women live longer.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

APR NINTH. RED ALERT.

[Taylor Swift @taylorswift13]

I’m thrilled to tell you that my new version of Fearless (Taylor’s Version) is done and will be with you soon. It has 26 songs including 6 never before released songs from the vault. Love Story (Taylor’s Version) will be out tonight. Pre-order now at https://t.co/NqBDS6cGFl 💛💛

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

Good morning. Today we canceled our gym membership and then got Chick-fil-A breakfast. No regrets.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

It’s time. The child has just started watching One Tree Hill for the first time. Education begins early in this house.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

I BEG you. If you have not yet watched Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square on Netflix yet, do it immediately. What an incredible, hilarious, bewildering holiday musical ride.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

McDonalds: I have a medium combo here for Chasen!
Chasen: um, it’s actually a large. Cuz I’m a grown ass man. And a hungry wolverine.
#TheBachelorette

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

@mermaid_dre Really milking the Paradise auditions

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

@mermaid_dre It’s supposed to be such a whirlwind episode but I’ve never been so bored

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

Are we just going to keep ignoring the fact that she got engaged to Benoit on Winter Games? Like I’m happy for you two and whatever, but you “haven’t been waiting for years” for an engagement... #TheBachelorette

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

Wake n’Bacon. Michael Scott did it better.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

Need a mental health break? Go watch 2009 reruns of Shark Tank on @hulu. Hilarious.

[Molly Flanagan Wheeler @maflanny]

This lady pitched trendy surgical grade face masks (during Swine Flu). The sharks laughed her out the door saying she needed another epidemic to ever be successful.... who’s laughing now?