i think there should be another love language called “being an absolute menace.” constantly teasing you, bothering you for no reason, poking at you, sending annoying messages and finding tiny ways to get your attention throughout the day. not because i’m trying to drive you insane, but because you’re my favorite person to bother. if i’m relentlessly annoying you, congratulations. you’re loved.
Breathing in hefty lungfuls of smoke as I get explosive diarrhea from salad, the sky turns apocalyptic orange while oil companies drill in protected lands, screwworms are eating cattle alive and the president just paid $6 million for rape. And I’m also able to bet on all of it!
The most transparent administration in history still hasn’t released all the Epstein files or arrested anyone, but rolled out some UFO files today so you would get so excited that you forgot you are paying over $4.50/gallon because they are fighting another foreign war they said they would no longer fight.
Happy Friday everyone!
sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night having to pee so bad while still being too whelmed by sleepiness to get up that you enter a strange hypnagogic pee realm for what seems to be 100s of hours
Hey man, do you mind if we push this call til next week? I’m thinking one or both of us might die in the upcoming nuclear holocaust, which would pretty much solve this whole problem for us
look at how beautiful this is
pictures like this really make me feel we should bomb each other and charge thousands of dollars for life saving medication and sit in our car all day and work endless hours to eat jalapeño poppers and pay rent to Blackstone