🍑🚬ciggy butt🚬🍑

[IM SEEING OLIVIA @lovinthepainari]

Me after instigating a fight and slut shaming a 24 year old woman and announcing on national TV that a 22 year old man had a boner #bb28

[Liz.🐞 @elizabxtthh]

i think there should be another love language called “being an absolute menace.” constantly teasing you, bothering you for no reason, poking at you, sending annoying messages and finding tiny ways to get your attention throughout the day. not because i’m trying to drive you insane, but because you’re my favorite person to bother. if i’m relentlessly annoying you, congratulations. you’re loved.

[emma @emma_____weaver]

4 years ago i used to take half a bar and then do a bag of coke by myself and now I’m googling if I can drink orange juice with my allergy medication

[isa @elisaposting]

girls be like "i needed this" and it's just a weekend of abusing substances with their best friends

[hunt @huntjgallagher]

PLEASE let the blockbuster be a lip sync for your life @CBSBigBrother

[🍑🚬ciggy butt🚬🍑 @magicallymanic]

wtf is going on man

[The White House @WhiteHouse]

Hop in... best dimension yet.

[🍑🚬ciggy butt🚬🍑 @magicallymanic]

@oheycait The only silver lining is that Owen Hunt won’t be in the next season and we get queer Amelia

[davey @justdaveyjustin]

Breathing in hefty lungfuls of smoke as I get explosive diarrhea from salad, the sky turns apocalyptic orange while oil companies drill in protected lands, screwworms are eating cattle alive and the president just paid $6 million for rape. And I’m also able to bet on all of it!

[John “Teenus” Remington @zynaftersex]

Every new can of Zyns I buy taste like blood and come out red did they issue a recall?

[🍑🚬ciggy butt🚬🍑 @magicallymanic]

So do we think Erika Kirk is going to be a ring girl at the White House fights tonight?

[Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 @mtgreenee]

The most transparent administration in history still hasn’t released all the Epstein files or arrested anyone, but rolled out some UFO files today so you would get so excited that you forgot you are paying over $4.50/gallon because they are fighting another foreign war they said they would no longer fight.

Happy Friday everyone!

[Yves ౨ৎ @yvessirae]

female rage is watching the most evil man you ever met deny all the things he's done & pretend he’s a good person

[Dr. R. J. Vein @VeinRichard]

sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night having to pee so bad while still being too whelmed by sleepiness to get up that you enter a strange hypnagogic pee realm for what seems to be 100s of hours

[my life is a living hell. every minute is torture @on_da_spectrum]

Hey man, do you mind if we push this call til next week? I’m thinking one or both of us might die in the upcoming nuclear holocaust, which would pretty much solve this whole problem for us

[John “The Neanderthal” Fetterman @CavemanSenator]

God forbid unc gets tummy time during intro to business class

[mel @killinurvibe]

smoked a cucumber cigarette tonight why do they hate us in america

[Slightly Biased @BiasedSlightly]

look at how beautiful this is

pictures like this really make me feel we should bomb each other and charge thousands of dollars for life saving medication and sit in our car all day and work endless hours to eat jalapeño poppers and pay rent to Blackstone

[mistopher mack 🦭 @motherquoter]

Kristi Noem's husband while she was out back shooting their dog

[𝒵𝒾𝓀✯ @_Gottalovezik]

me realizing my coworkers have genuinely settled for this life (i need to escape this job and lock in before i become them)