Joe Mahoney

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

When you donate sperm they ask if you have any “sociopathic tendencies”. I was like “other than creating people for money? ..No.”

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

At least we don’t get jealous

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

I heard Ohtani is trying basketball next- the Reverse Jordan

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

Just gave a homeless guy my lucky $2 bill. Hope he doesn’t go spending it.

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

If I had the choice between being underrated or being overrated I would choose overrated every time. Like… you don’t even have to be good.

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

Sometimes I wish I performed music instead of standup comedy. Cuz in music, when the crowd is too sensitive.. it’s a good thing.

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

‘tis the season for my 9/11 jokes

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

Dave Grohl makes Dad rock. What did you expect?

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

Gonna catfish a time traveler with this

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

Holyfield got bit almost 30 years ago and still has half an ear missing. Trump got SHOT by an AR-15 2 months ago and it’s already perfect…

Mike Tyson is the GOAT

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

A joke about friends

[Atlantic City Comedy @ACComedyClub]

Need Friday plans? See Comedy at The Celebrity Theater featuring Mike Lee @mikeleecomedian Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy LaTice @LaTiceComedy and Oscar Aydin @ihaveGayDHD at Atlantic City Comedy Club! Get tix!
https://t.co/eCgCBhumZt

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

Someone said “you can’t ban abortion… you can only ban safe abortions”

Reminds me of prohibition

“Fine, make it illegal… I’ll just do it alone in my bath tub”

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

@ChipsAhoy ? What are these pirate cookies?

I’ll tweet again in another six months

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

@ChipsAhoy ? What are these pirate cookies?

I’ll tweet again in another 6 months

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

Freaky Friday but I wake up as Ice Cube

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

Government is about to run out of money… How am I expected to get a job when the government doesn’t even have one?

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

My girl doesn’t stand for the anthem but she gets mad if I don’t celebrate “National girlfriend day”

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

It’s 9:11 make 2 wishes!

[Ted Barton @TedBartonComedy]

Let’s remove insensitive road signs. FDR Drive, that’s the one thing he couldn’t do

[Joe Mahoney @mahoneycomedy]

The Pope liking that booty pic just confirms every hot girl caption “Only God can judge me”
https://t.co/Ft1xnK5kbJ