new beans

why i oughtta

[new beans @makeoutparty_]

i was at the dentist yesterday & when he walked into the room i said “what’s up doc” & he asked if i’d been watching cartoons & i said “yes. they’re all on hbo for some reason” so in case you didn’t know! they’re all on hbo for some reason.

[Shea Serrano @SheaSerrano]

just kill me

[🐢✨America Is Musty✨🐢 @DragonflyJonez]

The disrespectful dunk with 4 seconds left. Boy I fuckin love it. Hate is back.

[ankyhaidy @ankyhaidy]

i saw you butt ass naked in my crystal ball. i don't know why it showed me that but i thought you had a right to know

[Shea Serrano @SheaSerrano]

HANG THAT FUCKING CORGI’S COLLAR FROM THE RAFTERS NEXT TO TIM DUNCAN’S JERSEY

[La Nea Elegante @laneaelegante]

Increíble que ahora todo hace daño, que el aceite, que la leche, que bañarse todos los días, que dormir del lado derecho, todo es malo excepto trabajar 8 horas al día, 5 días a la semana. Eso sigue siendo buenísimo.

[Dylan @notnotdylm]

that offspring song where they're like "my friend's got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch"

[new beans @makeoutparty_]

@ThatTrable you do :)

[new beans @makeoutparty_]

old people will sit right next to you in an empty room & just cough their fucking lungs out

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

I’m not about to let capitalism gaslight me into being a bad person. You don’t think everyone deserves food, shelter, clean water, and healthcare? That’s sad as hełł. Maybe you should reevaluate yourself.

[Yunie ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა @Hyeyunie]

Sometimes I’m mad as fuck at 6:39am

[Anomaly @BRUIS3D_ANG3L]

Half cursed on my dads side and half haunted on my moms side

[Integrity Guy @Integrity_Freak]

Good guy in a 1940s movie: You’re a sweet girl, Ida. I oughta punch you in the mouth until your teeth fall down your throat for hangin’ around a lowlife like me

[new beans @makeoutparty_]

oh this just clarified a lot for me

[delia @delia_cai]

now that we know about perimenopause do you guys ever stop and think about how crazy it is that that's why your poor mom and your puberty age self were trying to kill each other for like a few years there

[matt ༼ ◕_◕ ༽🇵🇸 @GhostStoriesEnd]

They keep bringing us to the edge of the abyss and cancelling armageddon at the last possible moment so a coalition of otherwise unemployable benzo addicts, tech millenarians, zionist child molesters and podcast christians can buy the dips

[Scope Report @ScopeReport_]

BREAKING: 13 shots fired into home of Indianapolis councilor; note reading “No data centers” left at scene.

[julian @YEAROFTHEWIZARD]

lying awake at night: Everything is a torture tool against me, i get killed 10x a day. Im Satan

sitting at my desk in the morning: I better have 2-3 more coffeine so i can blast off

[𝑮 ♡ @highitsg]

i’ll ask a ouija board before i ask chatgpt

[hunter @3gpmh]

micro dosing hell by staying informed and educated

[Nicki 🫧🪷 @nickimoraa]

People who suddenly get really religious scare me.. like what did you do?

[Melanie D'Arrigo @DarrigoMelanie]

The Starbucks CEO can write-off the cost of his private jet on his taxes because it’s considered a business expense.

But Starbucks baristas can’t write off the clothing they have to buy to adhere to the Starbucks dress code.

This is what an anti-worker tax code looks like.