Malarie

dog mom. weightlifter. pharmacist.

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

why are my only options doing my own taxes (me, who failed 10th grade math) or paying someone to do them for me? why can’t the government just be like here is the exact amount you’re supposed to pay/ how much we owe you xoxo love u sweetie

[ICE T @FINALLEVEL]

I love Dogs more than most people.... Just sayin.

[Malarie @malarie_jo]

@CarolKnowsBest_ Hahahahahaha yes

[Malarie @malarie_jo]

@CarolKnowsBest_ This would’ve been amazing

[Malarie @malarie_jo]

I can’t believe I went to Scottsdale and didn’t go to @OldTownInk

[Malarie @malarie_jo]

I’m heated bc I told Tim the best bed at the tanning salon was 15 and he beat me here today by 3 min and what do you know he picked bed 15

[sass queen @LifeOfAGirlxo]

It’s better to be happy in leggings than unhappy in jeans

[JJ Watt @JJWatt]

We were able to find our man from last week! Now he has a couple jerseys of his own to choose from and I have a new friend named Brock.

[Yessica @yessicat14]

Spotted: Lonely boy seems to have changed his name and has been spotted with a new blonde. But does she know all his secrets? Poor Dan Humphrey, some things just never change. Xoxo, gossip girl💋

[hails @haileeylutz]

Told my boyfriend I didn’t wash my hair for almost a week and he thought I meant I didn’t shower. Boys need to understand there is a MAJOR difference between washing your hair and just a plain old shower

[Maria🌟 @mariaaaaaaa33]

um excuse me, October, I ordered SWEATER weather not sweaty weather can I speak to ur manager

[LLLW 🤞🏾🤍 @gramnoc]

I count 0 burpees

[Malarie @malarie_jo]

Sheila was bragging about cleaning this am. She said “I even washed the toilets” and Paul had the best comeback and said “what did you flush them”

[Tyler Roney @TylerJRoney]

Eminem: “Snap back to reality”

Everybody: “Oh, there goes gravity”

Midwesterners: “Ope, there goes gravity”

[Maria Scholler @mschollz]

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card

[Midwest vs. The Rest @midwestern_ope]

Time to solve this as civilized midwesterners
RT: Ope
Fav: Oops

[spooky syd @sydneysummmer]

You never know what you’re missing until you look in your sisters closet & there it is