Martina Shenouda

[Martina Shenouda @malteasers143]

@jubhite_ stfu

[Scotty @Dotsy1978]

Wtf has happened to the price of hotel rooms?? I only want to stay a night not buy the fucking hotel.

[Leo @leo_osn5]

Cuando digo "si mal no recuerdo" o "si no me equivoco", solo estoy siendo amable a la hora de tener razón. Ni recuerdo mal, ni me equivoco.

[Joshwelt @weltszzn]

when i accidentally close my 45 tabs it's like the burning of the library of alexandria, but worse and much more dire

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you, [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you, [looking at myself] it's over.

[Big Timi @OrevaZSN]

YouTubers be like “wake up at 4am and run, that’s alpha!” No, it’s not. Look at apex predators; they’re all lazy. Bears hibernate, lions sleep all day. You know who wakes up at 4am and runs? Squirrels.

[JAKE UPDATED @JakeDigital_Tm]

nunca usaria botox porque me gusta que la gente vea mi cara de asco cuando dijeron una pelotudez

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

i know a super hot shower is bad for your skin and hair but being boiled alive is important for my mental health

[����🎧ྀི @inkandseerah]

me suspecting every character in a murder mystery book and then saying "I knew it" once the murderer is revealed.

[parks @parkersity_9]

Yeah Instagram is bad for our mental health but what about Outlook

[soup🌱 @thrluv]

unfortunately being boiled alive in the shower is essential to my mental health

[Ajibola @4jibola]

might as well add geologist to my resume the way i keep hitting rock bottom.

[Matty @bestestname]

Ariel's first mistake was wanting to be where the people are

[ned! @nedsore]

the shower is the alternate dimension where I realize I'm low on shampoo but as soon as I step through the curtain I'm transported back to this dimension where all my memories are wiped like in severance and I won’t remember i’m out of shampoo until im back in the shower

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

what i looked like in 2016 is between me and god

[shato @meishato]

for today’s makeup look i am wearing a beautiful shade of exhaustion under my eyes

[gal౨ৎ @prtygal777]

Maybe in another universe I make sense
when I talk

[mousey ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ @HIBlSCUS]

life fucking sucks. one day you have tiramisu and then most other days you don’t. I hate that

[seiya @systole_]

it’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane