mama_squishy

Proud Mama of 2 littles

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

Thing #125 they don't tell you about becoming a mother: When you are sick, you do bring your children to the doctor's with you. So make sure you are almost dying or it's not worth it. They will tell you to get sleep and relaxation and then you will both laugh hysterically.

[Mommy Owl @Mommy__Owl]

All I’m saying is Moms’ Night Out would be a lot cooler if it happened during the day when the kids were awake. When they still needed to be bathed and fed and read to and tucked in 35 times, and we weren’t home to do any of it.

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

A car full of guys yelled out "Now that's the definition of a MILF!" as I was getting my 2 yr old out of her car seat. I don't know if I should feel flattered that I finally made my #lifegoals or pissed off about getting #catcalled.

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

2 year old: Mom wanna meet Bob? He's my friend and wants to meet you. He's upstairs in my room. Here he is! Pointing to her window seat. He is big like real big. He helps me clean and helps my boo-boos. His dog is named Steve and he is a little dog.

Me: ummm...yeah...sure...

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

So much Momming, so little time.

[Scary Mommy @ScaryMommy]

Best. Feeling. Ever.

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

What's that smell?

Oh, that's just my new perfume.

I call it pee.

#pottytraining #peepants #oopsIpeed

[Tales of a Waffle House Server. @AutisticDad23]

When you're a guest at someone's house and they bought the good toilet paper:

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

My 2 year old just asked to watch #fixerupper. Someone pinch me.

#futurecontractor #interiordecorator #ToddlerLife

[The Baby Lady @thebabylady7]

Number of months pregnant: 63
Number of diapers changed: 38,000
Cost of a vasectomy: WHO CARES

If this tweet gets 100k likes my husband will get a vasectomy.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD RETWEET

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

M: Mama is sorry she got so mad earlier but when you don't listen to me it makes me sad and hurts my feelings

2.5: Aw. Mama. Wan me kiss your feelings for you?

#myheart #twoyearolds #toddlers #parenting #emotional

[Ramblin Mama @ramblinma]

Welcome to parenthood. Hope you hate sleeping.

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

Do you have to use the potty?
No.

Are you sure you dont want to sit on the potty?
No.

How about we try to go on the potty.
No.

Lays down for nap.
I HAVE TO USE POTTY MAMA!!!

#everytime #pottytraining #toddler

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

My favorite thing about folding laundry is putting my husband's "clean" socks right side out.

#laundry #husband #socks #petpeeve #whythough

[TheMotherOctopus @LeMotherOctopus]

People who can casually have candy out in a dish on their end table for more than 12.73 seconds, what's that like?

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

Anyone ever tried the toddlerian roast coffee? It tastes like a mix of @mmschocolate and water.

#toddler #coffee #parenthood

[mama_squishy @mama_squishy]

My toddler renamed @Starbucks to "Mommy are you tired?"

#nosleep #mombie #sendcoffee #notenoughcoffee #willieversleepagain

[MyMomologue @MyMomologue]

I'm having a day where I just want to be alone and sit in quiet, but my kids are having a day where they need me.