Matthew Andersen

Tall, eccentric, and not a bad speller. Also can't walk in a straight line very often. Straight lines are overrated.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

@farman4x 49

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

@acnewsitics How do you know they’re DEI hires?

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

Good doesn’t chase down evil, only to condemn it.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

I totally get the problem with cultural appropriation. Which is why I've started asking those who wear dreadlocks to respect my Viking heritage, and those who speak Black English to respect my British heritage. Change starts with me.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

@ohhanxiety Soccer.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

Got called an incel this weekend, which confused me because 1) the debate was about the White House ballroom, and 2) the term itself suggests that it must be self-proclaimed. Nevermind the creepiness of her presuming to know my sex life.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

Binge watching shows is bittersweet. It's like, "Hey, I'm all caught up on Blue Bloods. Now I have to wait a week for the next episode like some caveman?"

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

2010 Me: The world is so polarized. Too many people think they're 100% correct and that anyone who disagrees with them is the spawn of Satan.

2020 Me: That's cute.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

@tacyelissa I like the RAV4 recommendations. I was gonna say the same thing.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

Just when you’re entering the acceptance stage of the quarantine, you start getting event reminders that your phone automatically stuck in your calendar months ago, and the depression stage welcomes you back with open arms. #QuarantineLife

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

Remember when "You're quarantined for 60 days, which five friends do you choose to be quarantined with?" was just a game? Only now you don't get to choose.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

Because I'm usually gone by the time the trash collectors come, I was today years old when I learned that there are separate trucks for trash and recycling. #quarantine

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

@tacyelissa Several of my accounts were hacked this week, including my Twitter account. Doesn’t look like I’ve tweeted anything, though.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

If you get a call from this number about extending your vehicle’s warranty, it is a scam. The recorded message sounds official, but it’s actually a private number in Utah. People like this are despicable.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

I hate it when I find a clever meme but it has a typo. Do I post it and invite the Grammar Police, or do I skip it and hope my friends like me for something besides posting clever memes? Decisions.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

@MadeOfBones They’ve started selling it at Stop ‘n’ Shop in Watertown. They call it “Mayotchup,” but same dif.

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

Can someone explain to me why the Gillette commercial would offend anybody? And feminists and liberals are the snowflakes?

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

@tacyelissa I got her permission to share the photo on Facebook. 44 likes so far!

[Matthew Andersen @mandersen04]

@tacyelissa How long is your trip? It’s okay, I forget stuff all the time. I’m deathly afraid I’ll one day forget my passport when trying to travel to a foreign country.