mark petrolo

I/Me am a dissident with a heart of gold, the warrant and the sanction.

[Tristin Hopper @TristinHopper]

I was an extremely guilty child, constantly wracked with shame. I'm happy to report that this trait has not translated to my daughter, who just fumbled a large watermelon, watched it explode on the ground, and declared "oh well, it was heavy."

[mark petrolo @mark_petrolo]

@nypost They don't need to be broken up by force, especially while they're digging they're own grave.

[Ted Barton @TedBartonComedy]

How does every city girl believe in astrology? You can’t even see the stars

[Micah Erfan @micah_erfan]

🚨 BREAKING: FBI Director Kash Patel has released the private messages of the Dallas immigrant shooter.

[mark petrolo @mark_petrolo]

@ordinarycourt I got the exact same tiles in my old bathroom 😍

[internet hall of fame @InternetH0F]

😭 😭

[Poo Crave @Poo_Crave]

Sabrina Carpenter speaks on traditional Chinese foot binding:

“Girl I can’t with that mess”

[Karli Marulli @karlimarulli]

trump: *waking up* wheres joe biden?
surgeon: who do you think gave you the ear 💕

[mark petrolo @mark_petrolo]

@lidolmix No worse than Arnold Schwarzenegger

[mark petrolo @mark_petrolo]

@propaganda91 A hundred years to the day

[Thomas White @len0killer]

Say what you want about OJ but that was probably the last guy in the world named Orenthal

[mark petrolo @mark_petrolo]

@Baileymoon15 For someone who specialises in observational humour Jerry is incredibly out of touch. Maybe it’s all the money?

[Strewth! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @StrewthQueen]

Fallout is gay exhibit #69

[Robin Houston @robinhouston]

This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I don't know why OP deleted it, but I think it needs to be preserved for posterity.

[mark petrolo @mark_petrolo]

#クワッスみーつけた
@pokemoncenterPR

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Terrifying Shadow Cast Across Hall As Roommate’s Hookup Lumbers Toward Bathroom https://t.co/iPCpPan6xB