Mark Rodriguez

I like turtles

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

I just signed this petition on OrganizeFor with @ColorOfChange. Will you join me? #O4 https://t.co/IH9Zi0qix7 via @ColorOfChange

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

Minimalist decorating is another way of saying “I don’t have a lot of money and I’m lazy”.
#imsobrokeicantpayattention #doyoulikemyinhouseecho #ifthesewallscouldtalktheydthrowshade

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

If there’s one thing I hate it’s people who post on social media what they hate. #hateradespikedwithvodka #youwanabestartingsomethin
#ipittythepoorfool
#myhashtagsbringalltheboystotheyard

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

I really need to start working out more, I’m starting to lose my thigh gap. #mindthegap #guessilljustwearskirts #atleastistillhaveaneyebrowgap

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

If I hear “Cold enough for ya?” one more time today I’m going to drop kick someone’s grandma. #stupidenoughforya #hideyourgrandmas #offtheturnbuckle #calgontakemeaway #

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

It’s going to be in the 20s on New Years Eve? My nipples are going to be lit. #tuneintokyo #coathangers #youllpokeyoureyeoutkid #soundslikeaspringdoorstop

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

Pro tip: Don’t spill Jameson on your laptop. Apparently they can’t handle their liquor. #smoothmoveexlax #cleanuponaisle4 #hadtoreplace #usingasippycupfornowon

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

My favorite thing about this time of year is not having the air on and a lower electric bill #moremoneyforpumpkinspicelattes

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

Frank MacRae did it better in Lock up in '89 #eclipse #SolarEclipse #slymoviesmakeeverthingbetter #lockup #frankmcrae

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

I'm at that point in my life where I'm excited about the energy savings my new dishwasher will bring. #iusedtobecool #partylikeits1959

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

I'm quite proud of my organic form of pest control. I allow a bunch of spiders to live along my baseboards. #symbioticrelationshipgoals

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

I'm just waiting for Andy Kaufman to peel off the Alex Jones mask and yell "gotcha". #alexjones #andykaufman #bullshitartists

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

It was a monsoon earlier, now it's sunny and clear. It's so humid I'm having a bad chest hair day. #moistchest #humidaf #wettshirtcontest

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

We've lost so many this year yet Mick Jagger just had a kid. Mick and Keith are definitely vampires. #ripallwevelostin2016 #ByeForGood2016

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

I've seen them make movies out of books and plays but I didn't think they'd make Idiocracy into a reality show. #idiocracy #we'redoomed #bye

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

Was there a baseball game on last night? Was Bill Murray on the team? #cubswin #wichisnice #BillMurray #betterthanseeingelectioncrap

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

Ok it's official, I'm certifiably nuts. I just mowed the lawn in July in #austintx at 3pm. #moistchones #justlost10pounds

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

It's so humid today, I'm doing squats to ring out my chones. #moistitude #humid #moist #chones #tmi

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

I'm not a festival guy but I really want to see Radiohead. Maybe they'll play an aftershow at Lamberts or something. #fingerscrossed

[Mark Rodriguez @markmanmachine]

Moisttitude: discuss #moist #attitude #dank #damp #humid #wet #misty #dewy #soggy #clammy #sticky #sweaty #muggy #steamy