matt

cruising at altitude

[matt @matt_malarkey_]

if you're a future employer reading my twitter right now I just want to be clear that none of this is serious

[Pitbull @pitbull]

Life is not a waste of time, time is not a waste of life. So let's not waste any time, get wasted, and have the time of our lives and a Happy New Year! daleeeee

[charlotte @femaleuncle]

You guys gotta release your inhibitions and feel the rain on your skin I’m so fucking serious

[matt @matt_malarkey_]

christmas day service going strong, the vicar’s already misgendered 1 member of the audience

[matt @matt_malarkey_]

Strange that my holidate has left it this late to reveal themselves

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

your soulmate does not exist and you will soon have to learn how to code

[Choptimus Prime @mikesmicYT]

this is how it feels to redownload hinge btw

[Rogert @xeroger]

To smithereens has to be one of worst ways to get blown

[Billy @_billyreid]

When your mate says “If you pay for the taxi, I’ll buy you a drink when we’re in there”

https://t.co/wsBkkVDN3V

[sophie @netcapgirl]

superconductivity so good
slay haha
zero resistance at room temperature
gang gang
yes yes yes so many use cases including ultra efficient energy transmission
thank you lopez
you’re right we do need to wait & see if these results can be reproduced
scientific method so good

[Jason Levin @iamjasonlevin]

Loneliness is hitting men the hardest

But the solution isn't AI girlfriends or the metaverse

Here's 7 reasons why all men should consider joining the mafia:

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Cathedral organist here. Often have to give recitals in which I will include "Variations on" different pieces by Bach and others. These are credited to me. I've managed to include section of Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath and Metallica into these variations. No one is the wiser.

[matt @matt_malarkey_]

How is it national couple’s day at least once a week, give me a fucking BREAK

[hatsune mitski @zephanijong]

how do yall keep tote bags from slipping off your shoulders i don't understand

[gabitha. @igabitha]

hey do you guys have any tips on how to choose a good paying career path when you don’t know what the fuck you wanna do with your life?

[matt @matt_malarkey_]

@ainscough_emi Sure seem to be tweeting a lot for someone who wants to delete twitter