Matty B

I'm a baller. Shot caller. Who sometimes uses rap lyrics to conveying meaning when I can think of witty phrases. wait that didn't rhyme...fuck.

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@AywaRhiannon I mean, tbh, I’m trying to think if anything could actually be a stronger endorsement, and I don’t think there is. Well. FUCKING. Done!

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@AywaRhiannon Def acquit. No question. Love this and you mad hard brah.

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@Uber why are you such trash in London? App is constantly wrong, with wait times usually double or triple what you say they will be. Why is it so impossible for you to get yourself sorted here?

[Matty B @mattybyall]

In fact @TfL, what you are actually doing is actively spreading misinformation. Your online and at station systems purport to display accurate, updated information, until the train never comes and station staff don’t know why. Better to give me bad news than lie to me.

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@TfL why is it that you and your system cannot be trusted? Unannounced canceled services, station staff has no answers and cannot help. Why are you deserving of our tax money? If I performed the way you do, I would be sacked. Where is the accountability?

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@AywaRhiannon It’s viscerally painful. My recommendation: don’t.

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@alexfulcher @Dominos_UK Is the complete ghosting when you try to call them also normal?

[Matty B @mattybyall]

Hey @Dominos_UK I’m curious, is your tracker thing total bs, or does it really take 3x the amount of time to “quality check” a pizza as it does to bake it? Or has it been sitting untouched for 30m now, just waiting to be inspected? I’ll take my chances, please send now! #hungry

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@Dominos_UK Yes please. And if you have any special pull with the store, we’d really like the pizza too. It’s been more than an hour and now everything else is closed.

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@Dominos_UK Yes of course. But, shocker, they aren’t answering. And the email is a no-reply email. If only @Dominos_UK was as attentive to their product and delivery as they were to their twitter account.

[Matty B @mattybyall]

Love my Momma so much!

[Matty B @mattybyall]

Yall. My momma just said "haters gon hate". On social media. So, so proud.

[Matty B @mattybyall]

.@projectpie how u gonna take my online order and $$ for a location that closed down? Tryna make me #hangry. #PiDay #NoPieOnLowerGreenville

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@stephjeannette just as long as I have my Baileys coffee.

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@googlemaps NO directions are better than WRONG directions. Your Tenerife info needs some SERIOUS updating! #missedbusses #yesbussesplural

[The Onion @TheOnion]

State’s Abortion Waiting Period Allows Women To Explore Alternatives To Making Their Own Decisions https://t.co/mtCzcTGEHF

[Matty B @mattybyall]

Hey govt, just to be clear, sending grad studnt fed loan emails re interest & repayment while we're in midst of finals prep is a DICK MOVE.

[Matty B @mattybyall]

How do you tell the First Lady that her stroke is all wrong? #rowerproblems #HouseOfCards

[Matty B @mattybyall]

With each episode, all I can think about is #HouseOfCards WhiteHouse looks diff from #WestWing. Can't help but thinking, #BartletForAmerica!

[Matty B @mattybyall]

@sonicdrivein this location must be slowest in all the land. Like your product but can't wait forever! Pls help them!