Matty Pigott

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[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

Shocked to discover that French vanilla ice cream is just regular vanilla mixed with cigarette ash

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

@nbatheories You’d get it if you’d been to Japan

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

a pattern emerges

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

Anyone notice it's kinda dark outside? Weird.

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

T Pain when he just got It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)’d and he’s running around Bedford Falls (now Potterville):

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

@sean__gaff @celtics Whoah wtf

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

Some Band Names:

-the tony hawk: pro skater 4 (number subject to change as members leave/join (dramatically))

-9 ball (1 better than 8 ball)

-still mad at dick cheney (get to say “thank you, we’re still mad at dick cheney” at the end)

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

@claresjackson So what you’re saying is it’s distressing, clearly an option in the poll

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

me getting/regularly wearing a cowboy hat and boots

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

@MartinsNikko Early exit poll data looks good

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

Just dropped this https://t.co/Jyy3baMOQd

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

Looking back on life, it’s impossible to pinpoint the exact moment you gave up on your dreams

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

When I grow up I wanna be a guy who photoshops different NBA jerseys onto different players bodies for a living

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

@sean__gaff @UMassAmherst Damn then someone would have to get them

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

@sean__gaff @UMassAmherst Bro why are snitching on yourself, they’re gonna be banging down the door

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

man, mixed messages coming from the pope and UMass

[Pope Francis – ARCHIVE @Pontifex266Arch]

#Fraternity is the true cure for the pandemic and the many evils that have affected us. Along with vaccines, fraternity and hope are, as it were, the medicine we need in today’s world.
https://t.co/ZFXaCQivv5

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

@alec_somers SARDELLA SUX

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

Wait why does Justin Bieber have a Christmas album isn’t he Canadian

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

Wait I thought Biden’s inoculation day wasn’t till January 20th?????

[CBS Evening News with Tony Dokoupil @CBSEveningNews]

BREAKING: President-elect Joe Biden received his first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine Monday.

The event was broadcast live as part of an effort to reassure the American public of the vaccine's safety.

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

People aren’t even talking about handing out loans to those kids who sell chips out of their locker

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

I mean it’s like no one working on the stimulus has even considered upping middle schooler adderall prescription rates even though each one creates a new small business basically for free

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

@nbatheories @timsimmons Shit grew hair

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

List of regrets:

-the time I told a physical therapist I hadn’t seen Pitch Perfect even though I had

-the time I did a reading in church then paused for applause

-the time I shat under my neighbor’s porch

[Matty Pigott @mattypigott]

@nbatheories You’re right I don’t regret shitting under that porch