Maximilian Ximenez

Literary agent and self-defined "asexual libertine." The eternal September and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

All inquiries to email.

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

Implementing a new policy of deleting any and all unsoliciteds from anyone who pays for fucking Twitter.

I cannot in good conscience represent an author I do not respect.

[win ben stein's;gate @weedhitter]

im crying man they way this is written makes it sound so funny

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@weedhitter isn't khole what the egyptians painted their eyes with to ward off mosquitos

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@quadcarl And yet here he is proudly supporting the internment of Japanese-AMERICANS

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

Hegelian Dianetics AKA The Phenomenology of Thetans

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@weedhitter do you think elon will let me post tubgirl

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

I do hope that Guy Fieri lives to see the total ecological collapse of the biosphere so I can see what sauce he slathers the reconstituted nutrient paste with, long after the last donkey goes extinct

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@RaceplayShawty jan hus

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

AITA for reporting my sire to HR for calling the dhampir intern a "daywalker"?

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@RaceplayShawty i'm here to see paco

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

All territory on Earth can be divided into two categories; The City of New York and its suburbs.

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

"Death of the author" isn't enough, I must be complicit in their murder.

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

The thing about Lovecraft you need to understand is that he was such a capital W White Racist that he didn't even think Italians were human, which lead to him speculating about what other forms of non-human intelligence must inhabit the universe and somehow arriving at seafood

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@Kir_the_Wizard "Sorry Iran, I have already depicted you as the soyjak"

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@Uber_Support A courier delivered my order to me and then canceled the order after doing so, and I was then charged a "restocking fee" for items that I had been given. Chat agents refuse to help me with the matter even after admitting this charge is due to courier error.

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@weedhitter I literally spend $200 a week to assign my therapist philosophy homework just so I have someone to discuss debord with

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

I want my next d&d character to be a tree-spirit wearing dungarees and gifted in archery: Jean Bowdryad

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

chiefing bigass blunts as the seance so I can summon the spirit of carl sagan and ask him if boltzmann brains had a subjective experience of gender

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@TheWapplehouse

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

broke: lying about your age

woke: being honest

bespoke: confusing people by saying you remember using usenet but were also part of the target demo of homestuck

[Maximilian Ximenez @maxximenez]

@metaltxt Sorry, my trash bin's already full of Warren Ellis comics