michael

[ron mexico @troop_hater]

god is alive in every bottle of miller high life

[jake @wormpuller]

[At the Chinese spot after I get paid] What’s the rank above general

[… @nolkou]

how i be lately

[Yeah @Yeah__Penguin]

Youre on some fuck crap

[chad @chasedbywasps]

you have to take your shoes off when entering my house. so I can try them on

[woodchuck todd stan account @peakcinema]

I could never be a pitcher bc if i couldnt find the zone id just start fuckin crying

[skin 𖣐 destroyer @gloomingly]

bugs are so sweet i wish they wouldn't spy on me

[Gabe @melchizedek420]

Ordering the most expensive steak at Ruth’s Chris and saying dah bih gah after every bite

[Jack Subpar @SuisizeMe]

Flipping through the titles on hulu, making a point to scroll past brokeback mountain at the exact same tempo as the other films, not gayly slow or homophobicly fast

[gaming disorder pawg @roun_sa_ville]

That kid Messi breastfed move like a damn gazelle!!!!!

[ゆらぴこ🌼🐤 @yura_burstgirl]

Today i learned new American phrase...🇺🇸

Deadass💀

I deadass love Buc-ee's🦫🦫🦫

[the thicc husband & father @lukeisamazing]

it’s a sign of deep respect in our culture

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

Beer is amazing, I can't believe we have a human tradition going back ten thousand years of crafting a beverage that makes you get kicked out of Moana

[ethan @ethanjuiced]

saying “oh. that’s weird, i just deposited $5 Billion Dollars in that account” when my card gets declined on a $3.16 purchase at 7/11

[abundant mineral deposit @deektome]

drinking water and experiencing everything the water has in an instant

[rosie @snailtattoo]

A Hey Jude cover would come so natural to the minions …

[47 @youshouldfw47]

whoever invented strawberry lemonade i love u bitch

[ѕєиɪ @zalatwicc]

i said it's my favorite movie i didn't say it was good