Alex McKenzie

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

I just signed this petition on OrganizeFor with @ColorOfChange. Will you join me? #O4 https://t.co/aMfjqVqmJR via @ColorOfChange

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

@Blast67594545 @TheJeffBridges I will eat your moms ass to honor you, sir.

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

@goinwheelin @TheJeffBridges Downvote

[Datsik @datsik]

Who wants to eat tacos and play mortal kombat with me and @snailmusic in Milwaukee?? Picking one winner + friend. RT TO ENTER!!

[Dave Itzkoff @ditzkoff]

The final two minutes of that Dave Chappelle routine. Wow.

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Somebody just said "drinks on me" so I poured a beer all over their head and they spazzed. My grandma is such a pussy.

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

How would rather die? Getting eaten by a shark or having a clown suck your dick to death?

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Well it's officially not appropriate to use the term "on fleek" at a funeral.

[Getty Images Sport @GettySport]

What a performance by @KingJames as the @cavs even the series with their 95-93 OT win vs the @warriors. #NBAFinals

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Vikings, Jacksonville and Cleveland could form one team and we'd still lose to the cast of Modern Family.

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

If you're going to have oral sex with a girl don't say "I'm about to chow your piss tunnel". The mood is pretty much ruined.

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

#MyHomelessSignWouldSay ninja turtles abducted my family and now I need money for karate lessons.

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

#SomethingICantDealWith People who think "ax" is a suitable replacement for the word "ask".

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

"I think my medication is making me have weird dreams."
"No, being weird is making you have weird dreams."

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

I don't always drink liquor, but when I do I prefer rum. #happy national rum day

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

Someone told me that I look like Ellen DeGeneres. I'm not blonde nor do I have wicked dance moves, but I might be a crypto-lesbian.

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

#SheLeftYouBecause you're as useless as a poopy flavored lollipop.

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

I'm pretty sure that I might be in a twitter coma. That is all.

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

Dear Put-In Bay,
Tell your island my bad.
Sincerely,
Alex

[Alex McKenzie @mckenzie_alex]

I hate working weekends #fomo